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Beta O’Dork Presidential Campaign Round-Up

Beta O’Dork Presidential Campaign Round-Up

The left’s favorite dorky beta male Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke has announced that he’s running for president in 2020. There is so much zaniness surrounding this doomed campaign I wasn’t sure what to cover. Instead of focusing on one thing, I’m just going to throw as much stuff in as possible and let you decide what the funniest aspect is.

First up, Beto done stole his campaign logo from Whataburger:

Yeah, he’s defiantly running a fast-food campaign, but even in the intellectual property theft he still manages to lie. He favors open borders so it’s very dishonest to say he’s “for America.”

Here’s Beto doing his best doomsday cult leader impersonation:

Did you notice how Beto took the democrats “97% of scientists agree man-made global warming is real” and bumped it up to “all scientists”? That doesn’t leave any room to ramp up the hysteria, does it? But seriously, the only difference between this speech and Jim Jones is that Beto didn’t offer his cult followers a cup of purple Kool-Aid.

You may have noticed that Beto gesturers wildly and that’s something that wasn’t lost on our President:

Even liberals are having fun with Beto’s crazy hands:

Beto would have a credibility issue if he weren’t a democrat. Here he is just a few short month ago saying he would not under any circumstance run for president:

“Amy and I are raising an 11-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 7-year-old. And we spent the better part of the last two years not with each other, missing birthdays and anniversaries and time together. And we … our family could not survive more of that. We, we need to be together,” said O’Rourke.

So in announcing his presidential candidacy Beto is really saying that he wants to abandon his wife and kids and destroy his family? What a guy.

Obviously the liberal media is gushing over Beto, but there is some dissent among the ranks. This Slate piece may be the funniest thing written about him because it’s painfully true:

Beto is missing one important thing, though: an actual reason to run.

O’Rourke would enter the race as a man without a clear political ideology, a signature legislative achievement, a major policy issue, or a concrete agenda for the country. Those in the know tell the Atlantic that Beto is planning to run as a candidate “offering hope that America can be better than its current partisan and hate-filled politics, and that the country can come together,” but that—brace yourself—he hasn’t yet “landed on how he’ll propose to actually make that happen.” That’s more of the same empty words Beto’s been offering in public since his loss to Cruz. “I don’t know where I am on a [political] spectrum, and I almost could care less,” he said at a recent stop in Wisconsin. “I just want to get to better things for this country.”

No, I take it back. What the NRCC said about Beto is the funniest thing ever:

A law-hating furry? I hope he puts that on a bumpersticker.

And finally, here’s Nancy Pelosi unable to name anything Beto has ever achieved:

Well shit, he’s got vitality. Why are we even having an election? Give that man a the job.

I, for one, couldn’t be more pleased that Beta O’Dork is running for president. As soon as crazy Joe Biden throws his hat in the ring, that’ll mean two of the most insane people on the planet will be 2020 candidates and here at Def-Con News we will have an endless supply of craziness to report on.

The only thing I wonder about all of this is: since super-honky Robert Francis appropriated Hispanic culture by calling himself “Beto” if he wins the White House do we have to call him el presidente? That’s a trick question because he won’t even make it out of the democratic primaries.