Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, which is the biggest WTF? holiday for pro-abortion liberals. Commonsense says you can’t be a mom if you kill your unborn baby. Here’s some more dumb muthas who WTFed it up this week:
Headline of the Week
NC woman allegedly trespasses at CIA, asks to speak to ‘Agent Penis’
A North Carolina woman is in custody after allegedly trespassing at CIA headquarters outside of Washington, D.C. four times since April 22, including one alleged incident where she asked to speak with “Agent Penis,” reports said.
Jennifer G. Hernandez, 58, of North Carolina, is charged with criminal trespassing in federal court after entering CIA headquarters in McLean, Va., a report said. She allegedly claimed that she applied for a job…
On May 3, Hernandez arrived at the agency’s headquarters and asked “to speak to Agent Penis,” the criminal complaint stated. Officers took her into custody for trespassing after she allegedly refused to board a bus to leave the property.
If she was at the CIA looking for Agent Penis, she should know that John Brennan retired and now acts grumpy on CNN.
Mom of the Week
Janesville mother had 2 children in the car during 3rd OWI, sheriff says
A Janesville mother had two children in the car during her third operating while intoxicated offense, according to a news release from Rock County Sheriff Troy Knudson.
Deputies investigated reports of a disturbance in the 240 block of Russel Avenue at 5:09 p.m. Friday. When law enforcement arrived, family members were confronting 42-year-old Jessica J. Nottestad for drinking and driving with children in the car.
Nottestad had just gotten home from picking her two children up from school.
And chugging gin out of a “World’s Best Mom’ mug.
Educator of the Week
Ex-Kentucky teacher threatened to cut off a student’s penis, according to court records
A former middle school teacher in central Kentucky is due in court Thursday on a disorderly conduct charge after she allegedly threatened to cut off a student’s penis.
Chrystal Graham was a seventh grade teacher at Anderson County Middle School in May 2017 when she threatened the student during a kickball game on the final day of the school year, according to court documents.
When one student jumped on another student’s back as the two joked around, a witness says they heard Graham, who was participating in the kickball game, tell the student to get off her player “or I’ll cut your dick off and shove it down your throat,” according to court documents.
The student witness was later on first base when Graham looked at her and flipped her off with both middle fingers, according to the criminal complaint.
Graham, 56, later was having a huddle with her players when she said, “On three, kick Durbin’s ass,” referring to another teacher, the complaint alleges.
I guess we now know why she’s an ex-teacher.
Field Trip of the Week
Utah teens in polygamous group travel to Colorado to marry their cousins
On July 3, 2008, DeRieux and two of her younger half-sisters drove to Grand Junction with their cousins and parents to become legally married.
It’s illegal to marry a cousin in Utah unless one is over the age of child bearing years or 55 years of age. Colorado is one of 19 states where it is legal to marry one’s first cousin.
Who’d have thought Colorado had more chill cousin-marrying laws than Utah?
Ass of the Week
Woman Dies After Butt Lift Procedure at South Florida Surgical Center
A woman who underwent a Brazilian butt lift procedure at a South Florida plastic surgery clinic ended up at a hospital where she later died.
Family members of 28-year-old Danea Plasencia said the doctor was done with the procedure when the complications started.
“Then they moved her body to the stretcher, and all of a sudden, she became blue,” said Marcio C. Ferez, her grandfather.
Plasencia was rushed to Baptist Hospital, where she died. Miami-Dade police are investigating her death.
Her butt got lifted all the way to heaven.
Free Speech of the Week
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED FOR REFUSING TO REMOVE ‘I EAT A**’ STICKER FROM HIS TRUCK GETS CHARGES DROPPED
Dillon Shane Webb, 23, of Lake City, Florida, was charged with misdemeanor counts of possession of obscene material and resisting arrest without violence over an altercation with police on Highway 90 on Sunday. At around 5.50 p.m. on May 5, a deputy from the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office confronted Webb about a sticker on the rear window of his Chevrolet truck that read: “I eat a**.”
Assistant State Attorney John Foster Durrett sent a letter to Columbia County Sheriff’s Office on Thursday announcing that charges against Webb had been dropped and that the crude sticker was protected under the First Amendment.
“Having evaluated the evidence through the prism of Supreme Court precedent it is determined the Defendant has a valid defense to be raised under the First Amendment of our United States Constitution. Given such, a jury would not convict under these facts,” the letter read.
The right of the people to keep and eat ass shall not be infringed.
Hater of the Week
During the drastic surgery, Gregg’s penis, testicles, and scrotum are removed and the skin is then sewn up into a very tight vertical line
Gregg, 31, is ‘Nullo’ – someone who has had a severe body modification – after he spent years of hating his own penis.
…Gregg said: “Ever since I was a kid, my body just didn’t feel like it fit. I always looked at my junk and was like, ‘why is it here? This is kind of weird-looking'”
He said how even as a child he would tuck his penis between his legs because it made him feel better.
When he was in his early teens he came across stories from people who were Nullo and he suddenly felt like he had found a community and people who understood how he was feeling.
He said that the moment he discovered the term Nullo, everything became “black and white.”
He found a surgeon willing to do the work and in 2016 he had his genitalia completely removed.
When it comes to urinating, Gregg explained that he goes in the same way that a woman does.
He explains that he is on testosterone and still has an ‘orgasmic response’ and will reach climax through prostate stimulation.
I used to think you’re crazy but now I can see your nuts. Oh wait, no I can’t, but here’s some:
Spanish Peanuts of the Week
Spanish police grabbed would-be voter ‘by the testicles’
VOTERS in the Catalan independence referendum have told the trial of pro-independence leaders how Spanish police officers beat them as they tried to cast their ballots.
Some witnessed a mayor being beaten and one man said he was pulled to the ground by his genitals.
Pere Font, who went to vote in a polling station in Barcelona, said the Spanish police arrived at the centre at 9am.
“I was at the door of the classroom with more people, seated,” he said. “We said that we would vote. But in a moment they started catching people. They grabbed me by the testicles and they threw me to the ground.”
And democrats say ID requirements are voter suppression.
Wingman of the Week
Man dies after drinking buddy shot him in penis in Camarines Norte
A man was killed after his drinking buddy shot him in the penis in Camarines Norte town, authorities said.
Police said the killing happened after that the victim, Camagong Dupile and suspect, alias Rodelio, were having a drinking session in Brgy. San Lorenzo, Sta. Elena in Camarines Norte Friday afternoon.
Investigators said a heated argument ensued between the two, prompting Rodelio to pull his firearm, of still unknown caliber, and shot Dupile once at his penis.
Dupile was then rushed to the Rosary of Virgin Mary Hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival by the attending physician.
I would say get some new friends, but it’s probably too late for that.
Florida Man of the Week
Florida man fatally shoots ‘disrespectful’ wife in face, police say
A South Florida man is accused of fatally shooting his wife in the face at point-blank range because she would not stop talking disrespectfully to him…
…De Baere admitted to fatally shooting Marisa Sherman, 47, inside their home after an argument…
De Baere told investigators with the Plantation Police Department he shot his wife because she would not stop talking disrespectfully to him… He told police he and his wife were arguing over her interactions with a former co-worker, and De Baere was not happy with “the way that she was talking to him,” according to an arrest report.
Sherman refused to stop, De Baere told police, even after he aimed his Taurus .38-caliber revolver at her…According to the arrest report, De Baere shot his wife “one or two times” from about 3 feet away.
Say what you want, but you can’t argue with results.
Florida Woman of the Week
Florida woman removes several syringes from vagina during arrest, documents show
A St. Petersburg woman removed seven syringes from her vagina while being arrested on Tuesday, according to arrest documents.
Jaymie Wescott, 35, was arrested because she was “snarling and yelling” at the staff of a Burger King in Largo, the documents state.
Wescott consented to a search of her property and person while at the restaurant, deputies say. Deputies felt something hard in her vaginal area and Wescott said she “f***** up,” according to the documents.
Who wouldn’t be snarling with 7 syringes up the vag? Or from eating Burger King?
Irish Man of the Week
Man who touched his penis off fellow bus passenger while ‘trying to urinate’ gets suspended sentence
A DUBLIN MAN who touched a fellow bus passenger’s shoulder with his penis claimed he had been urinating when the vehicle jerked forward and pushed him towards the woman, a court has heard.
Thomas McMahon (35) of Aideen Avenue, Terenure, today received a suspended sentence…
Judge Melanie Greally noted the offence appeared not to be for sexual gratification but occurred while McMahon was inebriated and in need of “relieving himself.”
She took into account his embarrassment and shame at his actions.
So as long as you feel shame it’s okay to be drunk and pissing on a public bus? Ireland takes their alcoholism seriously, don’t they?
Gang Bang of the Week
A ‘mating ball’ of manatees caused a traffic jam in Tampa Bay this morning
It’s that time of year again, when commuters slow traffic to a complete halt in an effort to watch a horny group of male manatees herd a female into shallow water in a desperate attempt to get it in.
This incredibly non-erotic manatee orgy is actually called a “mating ball.” They’re pretty rare to see, which is why motorists backed up traffic on the Courtney Campbell Causeway this morning to get a glimpse…
No, what’s rare to see is manatees having sex with other manatees and not Florida Man.
Gang Bong of the Week
The gun reportedly spotted in Downtown/East Village turned out to be a bong shaped like a rifle
A man caused a scare in downtown San Diego Tuesday when he allegedly waved what looked like an assault-style rifle out the window of a hotel room, but the purported weapon turned out to be a bong.
Officers were patrolling the trolley line about 6:30 p.m. in the area of Park Boulevard and Market Street when someone approached and told them a suspect had brandished an assault-style rifle at them from a third-floor window of the Palms Hotel…
Officers cordoned off the area, halted trolley traffic and went to the room at the residential hotel where the alleged brandishing occurred…
They ordered the occupants out of the room and detained a man and a woman…
A search of the premises turned up a gold-colored replica firearm that looked like a smaller version of an AR-15 rifle but was actually a bong that can be used for smoking marijuana…
The man, who is in his early 20s, will be booked on suspicion of exhibiting a replica firearm in a threatening manner…
Now that’s what I call a high-capacity assault weapon.
WTF? of the Week
21-year-old Zachary Burdick has pleaded guilty to — oh dear god — masturbating in and desecrating a baptismal pool inside of a church.
The incident took place on a Tuesday morning in October at the Catholic Spirit of Life Church in Mandan, North Dakota. An employee saw Burdick take off his clothes and jump into the baptismal fountain near the entrance. He then “dipped his rear-end into the Holy Water fountain” before splashing around and walking down the aisle “while still masturbating”… all while 75 people were attending mass.
Said the employee:
I asked Zachary about masturbating and told him he cannot do that in front of others. Zachary replied “especially in church.”Next, I asked Zachary if he was masturbating to get sexual gratification. Zachary said yes and that he was “trying to bust a nut.”
It was mass and he was mass-turbating? I wonder what he was doing in the rectory.
