Liberals love to ruin existing holidays, but their replacement ideas are just awful. Nobody wants to have an Indigenous People Day parade and there is zero enthusiasm for RGB Day. Actress Busy Philipps is dismayed that people aren’t talking enough about women’s periods and seems to indicate she’d like a holiday dedicated to celebrating menstruation. One can only imagine how disturbing those festivities would be.
For some reason CBS put together an entire documentary about women bitching about their periods. Actually the stated purpose of this thing nobody will watch is ironically because “half the population has one but nobody talks about it.” Clearly this is aimed at men for not talking about menstruation, but you’ll notice that women, the half of the population that gets periods, isn’t talking about either. Why not give the women some shit about this too?
As part of this groundbreaking piece of TV journalism, CBS interviewed actress Busy Philipps and she’s completely nuts:
“Something that happens to half the population once a month shouldn’t be a taboo subject, I think,” said Philipps. “I mean, to be totally honest, and I’m sure I’m not the first person to say this, but like if men had their periods it would be like f*cking celebrated. You know, it would be like a holiday.”
Like totally, for sure. It’s nice to see Busy Philipps is bringing back that 80’s “valley girl” stuff, because it wasn’t nearly annoying enough 3 decades ago.
I would like to counter by saying that if women had morning wood and blue balls or had to kill spiders and take out the trash, they’d bitch about it nonstop. In fact there would be a CBS documentary about the sexism of boners and the misogyny of Hefty bags.
I definitely get what Philipps is trying to say here, through. She wants a holiday for periods, or in other words she wants a day that celebrates bodily functions. I’m a little more inclusive than the Hollywood-types so I say let’s get a day for all bodily functions. Here’s a list of must-have holidays to honor everything that comes out of our bodies:
Zitmas – A day where pimples finally get the recognition they deserve. People can pop their zits on cards and give them to their favorite pizza-faced friends and relatives.
St. Flatulence Day – Start this celebration of farts by hammering stale beer and cabbage leading up to the traditional exploding of the asses.
Belchover – Celebrated simultaneously with St Flatulence Day because gas can go either way.
Jizzapolooza – A day to remember all those brave sperm who never made it to the egg. Celebrate male ejaculate with the world’s grossest “ticker tape” parade in Times Square.
The Aunt Flow Down – There. You happy, Busy? You get a day where everyone is talking about periods. Now grab your tampon do-si-do and wear it in your hair like a pretty bow.
Phlegm Friday – Celebrate the amazing post-nasal drip journey of snot from the sinus cavity to lung congestion. Flick a booger on a stranger for good luck, hock a loogie in someone’s face for a bountiful harvest.
Smegma Saturday – Because why shouldn’t dick cheese have its own holiday?
Mother’s Milk Day – Breast milk for everyone!
Pukoween – The one night a year where you can dress up as your favorite Disney character and then hurl on people’s front doors. Trick or treat now has a third option and it’s vomit.
All STD’s Day – If you’ve got a painful discharge, flaunt it.
Pissvember – A month-long celebration of pee-pee, from golden showers to public urination.
Shitsgiving – Everybody poops and feces finally has its day. Celebrate San Francisco-style by leaving a big steaming pile of the sidewalk for everyone to enjoy.
Yuck Day – Much like how we put Washington and Lincoln’s B-days together for President’s Day, we’ll throw all the rest in for a unified celebration of ear wax, toe jam, eye boogers, sweat, scabs, yeast infections, queefs, blisters, and bad breath.
The sad thing is, liberals would still find a way to ruin these holidays they are so desperately demanding. They’d say Zitmas was too commercial and All STDs Day celebrates colonialism and genocide. It’s like there is no pleasing these people.
