It would be a major WTF? to find out that the whistleblower is a registered democrat with a working relationship with Joe Biden if it wasn’t so completely predictable. Here’s some crazy crap you probably didn’t see coming:
Headline of the Week
A social worker is warning parents that using pet names for children’s body parts can put them at risk of sexual abuse.
Zoe Dos Santos works with children who have been sexually abused and issued her warning on Facebook, where it’s had a huge reaction from families.
In her post, Zoe says: “One day, a little girl told her teacher “my uncle licked my cookie” the teacher thought nothing of it and said “next time ask for another cookie”. Months go by, and the mother of the child was talking to the teacher about a rash on the child’s “cookie” and that’s when the teacher realized what the child was trying to say.
“Here’s the problem. If you do not teach your children the proper names for their parts, people can miss important signs of sexual abuse.
“Penis and vagina are not bad words. Basic anatomy isn’t wrong and there’s no such thing as anatomy being “age appropriate”.”
Or you could not put your children in situations where they could be molested. Either way.
Plucker of the Week
A Man Stuck A Pair Of Tweezers Up His Penis And Didn’t Go To The Doctor For Four Years
Back in 2015, an 18-year-old man jammed a pair of metal tweezers up his penis. Four years later, he went to the doctor, claiming that it hadn’t caused him any problems.
In addition to apparently experiencing none of the expected symptoms like inflammation or fevers, the man could urinate as normal, despite having 8-centimeter-long (3-inch) tweezers lodged in his urethra (the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body).
The doctors examined the man and X-rayed him, only to confirm that there was indeed a pair of tweezers embedded in his genitals. It’s unclear exactly why he thought sticking the tweezers up his member was a good idea, but the case report’s authors have a few inklings.
“Foreign bodies are most commonly inserted into the urinary tract by psychiatric, intoxicated, confused, or sexually curious patients,” they write in Urology Case Reports.
To remove the foreign body, the doctors placed the man under general anesthetic. An issue they faced was that the tweezers were open, pressing against the man’s flesh. To counter this, the surgeon assistant present at the operation had to squeeze the tweezers shut by putting pressure on the sides of the shaft of the man’s penis. Once closed, the tweezers could be pulled out of the urethra without the sharp ends causing any damage.
Weirdest happy ending ever.
Moob of the Week
Johnson & Johnson to pay $8B to man who grew breasts after taking drug
A man who said he grew breasts after taking a drug manufactured by pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson will receive $8 billion in punitive damages from the company, a Philadelphia jury ruled this week.
Nicholas Murray, now 26, claimed in his suit that he developed breasts after doctors prescribed him Risperdal off-label in 2003 once a psychologist diagnosed him with autism spectrum disorder.
“This jury, as have other juries in other litigations, once again imposed punitive damages on a corporation that valued profits over safety and profits over patients,” Murray’s lawyers, Tom Kline and Jason Itkin, said in a joint statement. “Johnson & Johnson and [subsidiary] Janssen chose billions over children.”
Damn, that $4 billion per bitch tit. Too bad he’s not a cat. Speaking of which…
Pussy of the Week
A Full Beaver Moon Is Coming in November
Following September’s Friday the 13th harvest moon and October’s hunter’s moon, the beaver moon in November is the next full moon to catch. It will reach its fullest state at 8:34 a.m. ET, but it will still appear full the previous night and the following evening.
Beaver moon is the name of the first (and typically the only) full moon of the November lunar cycle. It’s meaning is said to have originated with the Algonquin people, and was eventually adapted by European colonists in North America. November used to be the time for putting down beaver traps in anticipation of the cold winter months. It’s usually the last month before swamps and lakes freeze over up north, and therefore it was the last month to stock up on warm beaver furs.
I thought a full moon was an ass. Speaking of which…
Asswipe of the Week
Teenager facing charges after taking sweat from buttocks and wiping mother’s face
A teenager from Martinez is facing charges following a rather weird assault.
Josh Tyrik Curry, 18, is charged with assault to a family member and hindering someone from making a 911 call.
Authorities say following an argument, the teenager’s mother asked him to leave. After refusing, we’re told, he pushed her down, sat on her and put his hand down the rear of his pants.
He then wiped her face with sweat from his buttocks.
Curry’s mother tried to call 911 but was unable to.
Maybe don’t name your son “Dirty Sanchez.”
Total Recall of the Week
Nearly 1 million Harbor Freight pocketknives recalled due to ‘stabbing hazard’
Tool aficionados, beware. A popular knife is being recalled nationwide.
Harbor Freight Tools is recalling about 1.1 million of their Gordon Folding Knives, a popular pocket knife whose blade folds into the handle.
“Consumers should immediately stop using the recalled knives and return them to a Harbor Freight Tools store for a full refund in the form of a $5 store gift card plus sales tax,” the company said on the CPSC website.
Hey, these knives were supposed to slash, not stab.
Reject of the Week
Man arrested for ‘threatening farmers who refused him sex with their animals’
A man asked local farmers to let him have sex with their animals and threatened them when they refused, police said.
Richard Decker sent several emails and letters with his unusual request to farms and stables near his home in New Jersey. assistant prosecutor Magdelen Czykier said in a court filing.
Mr Decker would ask for a sexual relationship with cows and/or horses specifically, she added.
When he was rejected by the farms, he would begin leaving harassing messages and left metal tire deflation spikes on their driveways, police said.
Investigators also found explosives and a firearm that he had manufactured himself at his home, despite him not being registered to do so.
In one example of harassment, Decker reportedly threatened to beat a property owner’s wife with a wooden stick.
He was going to beat her like a rented mule for not letting him rent her mule.
Science Thing of the Week
Binge drinking helps men woo women by proving they are ‘healthy and strong’, scientists claim
It may seem an uncouth way to spend the evening, but binge drinking could be an evolutionary tactic to woo women, say scientists.
Research suggests that heavy consumption of alcohol tells a potential mate that the binge drinker is ‘healthy and strong’.
According to the authors of a study of American men published in the academic journal Evolutionary Psychology, heavy drinking among young adults delivers a ‘sexual signal’ that demonstrates their worth.
Binge drinking was defined as the consumption of more than four alcoholic drinks for women and five drinks for men on a single occasion.
Data from the UK and other countries shows binge drinking is more prevalent among wealthier individuals, potentially reflecting affluence in a possible mate.
And suddenly I’m rich, healthy, strong, and sexually desirable. Science is awesome!
Shot of the Week
Man shoots self in face after firing at ceiling to quiet down noisy upstairs neighbors
An Arizona man was willing to go to extreme lengths to get his noisy upstairs neighbors to pipe down.
He ended up in critical condition at a hospital because of it.
…the man first went upstairs Sunday night and banged on his neighbors’ door. When that didn’t work, he went back home and pulled out a gun.
Police said he fired multiple shots at his ceiling, one of which ended up striking him in the face.
Officers said nobody else was hurt by gunfire.
The sights might be off by a hair.
Money Shot of the Week
Sperm whale washes up on Brit coast leading to fears of carcass exploding
There are growing fears a washed up sperm whale could explode – sending bits of its carcass flying across a Northumberland beach.
The sperm whale, which can grow up to 60ft long, washed up on the Northumberland shoreline Friday evening, as crowds gathered.
Estimated to be between 36ft and 59ft long – the male arrived at Newbiggin-by-the-Sea after being sighted around shallow waters in for more than a day.
He is believed to be dead, meaning his gaseous bloated remains risk exploding if left to fester – as has happened with similar cases in the past.
There have been several cases of whale carcasses bursting due to a build-up of gas as their insides rot.
A sperm whale exploded like this in January 2004 as it was being transported on the back of a truck in Taiwan.
The incident left a poor bystander utterly drenched in putrefied remains and whale juice.
She told him not to get it in her hair.
Master Chef of the Week
Man previously arrested for placing 3-year-old girl in oven rearrested for burning child
A Deltona man who was previously accused of beating and placing a 3-year-old girl in an oven is back in custody after Volusia County deputies said he poured boiling water on a 3-year-old boy.
Officials first received a call about 47-year-old Terry May’s behavior on September 27 after the boy’s day care instructors noticed a burn mark on his back. It was revealed that May poured boiling water on the child after the boy accidentally urinated on the floor, according to deputies.
Investigators believe the boy lives in the same home with May.
“Hopefully this child’s family is going to do the right thing because it’s a matter of time before a kid ends up dead at this guy’s hands,” said Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood.
May was named “SCUMBAG of the Week” by Chitwood for the alleged crime.
Chitlins? I thought you said “cook me up some childrens.”
Jihadi of the Week
Woman finds shell on Sussex beach that looks just like Osama bin Laden
A WOMAN was left stunned after a stroll on the beach when she found a shell that looked just like Osama bin Laden.
Debra Oliver found the distinctive looking shell on Winchelsea Beach, East Sussex.
The 60-year-old was “drawn to the curious-looking” find as she went for a walk while celebrating her 42nd wedding anniversary with her husband Martin, 62.
Legal secretary Debra realised the shell, thought to be from an oyster, bore an uncanny resemblance to the al-Qaeda terrorist then “fell apart laughing” and kept it “as a little memento”
Debra, of Brentsford, west London, said: “It’s not that often you find a seashell that looks like anyone at all, so finding Osama bin Laden was amazing
“When I looked at it properly up close, I thought it looked like Jesus.
“I then saw a turban on the top, and realised who was staring up at me in the palm of my hand – Osama bin Laden.”
She added: “Funny that – as he was buried at sea too.”
It’s funnier that he died surrounded by empty shell casings.
War Crime of the Week
Ethics lecturer exposed penis, threatened to fail student
An ethics lecturer flashed his penis at a first-year student and threatened to fail another if she turned down his “predatory” advances.
Michael Montalto also tried to recruit 18 and 19-year-old students to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend, the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal found on Tuesday.
The tribunal ruled Mr Montalto exploited the power imbalance with his students at a university in Melbourne, which can’t be named, between June and August 2014 when he was 24 years old.
Most of the allegations were made by a student who said she was bombarded with inappropriate texts and calls in 2014.
He sent her an intimate photo and solicited photos from her, asked her to write an explicit story about her and another female student, and made her delete her text and call history with him.
The main complainant had visited Mr Montalto in 2014 at an RMIT office to borrow a textbook. Mr Montalto then placed his hand at the top of her thigh and said he wanted “to bend you over and f— you”.
At end of trimester drinks in August 2014, Mr Montalto was found to have exposed his erect penis to one of the women, pinned her against a roller door, and put his hand down her bra while she waited for her mother to pick her up.
Earlier that month at ethics drinks at the Lion Hotel in Melbourne’s CBD, he had asked one student if she had a boyfriend, if she was a virgin, and which sex positions she liked.
Mr Montalto was also accused of licking one woman’s neck at the ethics drinks.
He is accused of ethically cleansing the student body.
WTF? of the Week
The NOT hot felon: Mugshot of Florida felon goes viral over his very distinctive look
Modeling gigs may not be in this felons near future.
Ricky Deeley’s mugshot quickly went viral after it was posted by the Marion County Sheriff’s Department in Florida on Wednesday.
The 34-year-old was pulled over during a routine traffic stop on Tuesday night and it was determined that he was driving with a suspended license.
According to a release shared on the department’s Facebook, passenger Logan Tindale was in the car with Deeley at the time.
A Deputy Bowman soon learned that the 20-year-old had a felony warrant out for his arrest, even though Tindale lied about his identity when initially questioned.
Another passenger in the vehicle, 20-year-old Katlyn Spruill, was found to be in possession of 23 grams of methamphetamine, a handgun, marijuana, 20 Methylin pills and a digital scale.
All three were arrested and taken to the Marion County Jail.
No, seriously. WTF?
