Man, these DNA tests are just killing liberals. First Elizabeth Warren found it she wasn’t really an Indian princess and now Hunter Biden discovers he fathered a child with a woman he said he never had sex with. An alternate headline to this would be: Hunter Biden Fathers Child While Dating His Dead Brother’s Wife. The good news here is that new grandpa Joe Biden has another young one to bounce on his knee and sniff inappropriately.
Back in June Def-Con News’ Donn Martin reported that Hunter Biden, Joe’s corrupt crackhead son, was hit with a paternity suit. Lunden Alexis Roberts alleged she had an affair with Hunter while he was busy courting his dead brother Beau’s widow and that it resulted in a baby. Hunter denied he ever slept with the woman but for some unknown reason agreed to take a paternity test.
And on this episode of Maury Povich, as reported by the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:
DNA testing has established, “with scientific certainty,” that Hunter Biden is the father of an Arkansas baby, according to a motion filed Wednesday in Independence County on behalf of the child’s mother, Lunden Alexis Roberts.
Biden, son of former vice president Joe Biden, “is not expected to challenge the results of the DNA test or the testing process,” the filing states.
If there’s one thing liberals hate more than DNA tests, it’s science.
The baby’s “paternal grandfather, Joe Biden, is seeking the nomination of the Democratic Party for President of the United States of America,” the mother notes. “He is considered by some to be the person most likely to win his party’s nomination and challenge President Trump on the ballot in 2020.”
Hunter Biden, who initially denied having sexual relations with Roberts, eventually agreed to take a DNA test, according to documents filed by Roberts’ attorney, Clint Lancaster.
Hunter Biden is a walking miracle: Not only can he serve on the board of a natural gas company without knowing anything about natural gas, he can make babies without having sex.
Judging by past experience it’s clear that the liberal media will spin this as being President Trump’s fault. Hunter Biden actually engaged in corruption and bribery in Ukraine, but it’s Trump who the democrats are trying to impeach for corruption and bribery in Ukraine. I’m sure by week’s end Adam Schiff will introduce articles of impeachment against Trump for fathering an Arkansas love child.
Speaking of which, you know Trump wasn’t going to let this news go without a tweet:
Congratulations, Joe Biden! https://t.co/byIxFUyujm
— Team Trump (@TeamTrump) November 20, 2019
That’s nice of the President to put partisanship aside and congratulate new Grandpa Joe.
It’s too bad democrats are all a bunch of uptight wussies, because it would be absolutely hilarious if one of the 2020 candidates actually congratulated grandpa Joe in tonight’s democratic primary debate. That would be an instant win for any democrat who had the balls to do it and Biden’s meltdown would be an instant win for the rest of us.
At the very least, the moderators of the debate should ask Joe if he thinks his love child grand baby baby should have been aborted. You know, because it’s a woman’s health issue and whatnot.
There’s even more good news in this story because Hunter Biden made so much money cashing in on his dad’s name from Ukraine and China that he can totally afford to pay child support. This truly is the feel-good story of the year.
