Elizabeth Warren was on a course to being the democratic party frontrunner but has taken a nosedive lately. She’s sinking in the polls, had a disappointing showing in Iowa, and looks to flop in New Hampshire. This is another way of saying her campaign is probably close to folding up shop. In a harbinger of things to come, a chicken walked into one of her campaign offices and laid an egg. This couldn’t be any more perfect a metaphor for her failure than if a bull walked in and took a dump on the floor.
The Citizen Times reports that Warren’s Asheville, North Carolina office had a visitor on Sunday. A hen somehow got in the office and walked around, before laying an egg right next an Elizabeth Warren campaign sign.
This is actually a multifaceted metaphor for Warren’s campaign: First, Warren has jerky head movements like a chicken pecking at corn and second “laying an egg” means to fail miserably. This is exactly what Warren is doing in the democratic primaries.
Warren’s people in North Carolina are pretty clueless and didn’t see this for the accurate representation of her failure, so they reacted as if this were some kind of sign of good luck:
#NCforWarren do your thing.
NORTH ASHEVILLEIs this your chicken?
It just walked into our office at 530 Merrimon to ask about fighting corruption, fighting for healthcare, and not nibbling around the edges of inequity like a chicken.
I’m serious tho I have your chicken#NCPol pic.twitter.com/r5AHHXafTd
— WNC for Warren, TEXT CHICKEN TO 24477 (@WNC_for_Warren) February 9, 2020
Try agin, losers. This is egg-laying chicken is an omen telling you Warren’s campaign is over and you should garb as many office supplies as you can on your way out.
For those of you who need closure, the hen belonged to a neighbor who came and picked it up.
In other bird-related democratic party metaphor news, a red-billed oxpecker died after flying into Bernie Sanders’ Moscow, Idaho campaign office and helping himself to this fair share of coffee and doughnuts.
At Pete Buttigieg’s Mianus, New York campaign headquarters a Himalayan snowcock showed up and just kind of hung out.
Amy Klobuchar’s staff in Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico got a visit from a lappet-faced vulture who proceeded to hurl binders at them.
In the most amazing news, a dodo, long thought extinct, showed up at Joe Biden’s Dumfries, Virginia office and challenged the former VP to a push-up contest, beating him handily. Soon after, a loon flew and and took apart Biden’s defense of his Ukraine corruption problem in 5 seconds flat. Finally a crow named “Jim” swung by and reminded Biden of all the racist things he’s said and told him his strategy of relying on black support is a recipe for disaster.
All of this not-too-hard-to-believe bird activity came after the democratic party’s annual stork-hunt in which they try to kill the birds so they can’t deliver babies but before their annual bald eagle hunt in which they symbolically kill America as they gear up to literally kill America.
No but seriously, Elizabeth Warren is dunzo. Even the chicken knows.
