“For my next trick I’m going to pull a primary out of my ass,” said Bullwinkle. I’m sorry, that was actually a Joe Bide quote. After 3 presidential campaigns, spanning nearly 3 decades, Crazy Joe finally won his very first state primary race with a victory in South Carolina on Saturday. Even the Prairie View A&M Panthers, who lost 80 games in a row between 1989-1998, eventually beat someone but that still never propelled them to a championship title.
After crapping out in the first 3 democratic caucuses/primaries, Biden’s campaign would have been effectively done if he failed in South Carolina. He assured everyone that black people love rubbing his hairy legs in the pool and that the black majority of SC would come out for him. In another first for Joe, he was right. Biden scored a decisive victory, getting 48% of the vote.
The win prompted some passive aggressive hilarity from President Trump.
Sleepy Joe Biden’s victory in the South Carolina Democrat Primary should be the end of Mini Mike Bloomberg’s Joke of a campaign. After the worst debate performance in the history of presidential debates, Mini Mike now has Biden split up his very few voters, taking many away!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 1, 2020
Elderly socialist Bernie Sanders came in a distant 2nd with 20%, because apparently black people don’t care much for old white communists.
Billionaire (the other billionaire) Tom Steyer was also banking on South Carolina to recuse his failing campaign but came in 3rd with 11% and out of the delegate hunt. Steyer promptly dropped out, cuing more funny stuff from president Trump.
Tom Steyer who, other than Mini Mike Bloomberg, spent more dollars for NOTHING than any candidate in history, quit the race today proclaiming how thrilled he was to be a part of the the Democrat Clown Show. Go away Tom and save whatever little money you have left!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 1, 2020
I would find it hard to believe that failed presidential candidates Tom Steyer, or Mini Mike Bloombeg, would contribute to the Democrat Party, even against me, after the way they have been treated – laughed at & mocked. The real politicians ate them up and spit them out!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 1, 2020
Pete Buttigieg finished 4th with 8% because if Southern blacks won’t vote for a commie, they seriously aren’t casting a ballot for a gay white dork.
In the sad realms of loserdom, Elizabeth Warren only got 7% and no delegates, again. She’s so irrelevant, President Trump didn’t even waste a tweet roasting her. After poor finishes in the first 4 contests, Warren should drop out like Steyer, but nevertheless she persisted.
After the South Carolina loss Warren’s campaign issued a memo that basically says she’s hoping that no candidate ends up with a majority of the delegates and then she can sneak into the nomination, making backroom deals with the “super delegates” at the party’s convention.
Biden shouldn’t get too cozy with this rare win in South Carolina because Super Tuesday, in which 34% of all delegates will be allotted, is only 2 days away. The polls say that Biden is going to get clobbered and then he might have to steal Warren’s plan to steal the nomination away from a socialist kook.
Crazy Joe still trails Comrade Bernie in the delegate count 56-48 but for the first time in his life, Biden can say “I won.” Considering his tenuous hold on reality, he’s probably declared victory many times in state primaries, but this time he can say it and have it be true.
