Because a guy on fentanyl and meth had a heart attack while resisting arrest, we were told that the whole country is racist and we have to get rid of the police. Thankfully we won’t have to do that because Band-Aid is fixing racial injustice with special bandages for black people. We all bleed red but we need different color Band-Aids to stop that bleeding. Hashtag Black Scabs Matter!
In the wake of the George Floyd mayhem and destruction, heartless corporations see an opportunity to cash in by kissing Black Lives Matter’s collective ass. Buy a Whopper because Burger King tweeted out some fake sympathy for perpetually aggrieved minorities. Get a $12 cup of coffee at Starbucks because baristas can now wear anti-cop shirts and paraphernalia.
Band-Aid jumped on the bandwagon with this “woke” new product:
“We stand in solidarity with our Black colleagues, collaborators and community in the fight against racism, violence and injustice. We are committed to taking actions to create tangible change for the Black community.,” wrote Band-Aid.
You thought I was kidding with my headline, didn’t you? Band-Aid is saying that their multi-skin tone bandages will be important in the fight against racism and injustice. They claim that this product will create a tangible change in the black community.
Now, thanks to these black people band-aids, uneducated convicted felon drug addicts will be able to turn their lives around and succeed in life. Wearing one of these things will protect black people from being arrested for crimes they have committed.
Band-Aid actually seems like a bunch of dicks for not putting these magical bandages out sooner. If George Floyds had been wearing one, he would have been able to successfully pass a counterfeit $20 bill and the drugs in his system wouldn’t have stopped his heart.
“We are committed to launching a range of bandages in light, medium and deep shades of Brown and Black skin tones that embrace the beauty of diverse skin. We are dedicated to inclusivity and providing the best healing solutions, better representing you.,” Band-Aid claimed.
While these new band-aids sound awesome, there are a few problems. There doesn’t appear to be any for Native Americans and the “Asian” band-aid assumes this particular race is the same color as a Snookie spray tan. Also, there’s only one skin tone for black people, while black people have many different tones. That thing is not going to work on Don Cheadle or Beyonce.
I realize that I’m a white guy and companies like this no longer care what I think, but the traditional “white guy” band-aid doesn’t come close to matching my skin tone. Luckily have a decent supply of Sponge Bob Squarepants band-aids so I don’t have to endure the embarrassment of wearing a band-aid that doesn’t match my skin exactly.
Obviously this product came about because enough people were bitching that not having black people band-aids is racist. Instead of saying “that’s ridiculous,” Band-Aid went ahead and caved to this insanity. I got news for this company, there is no pleasing crazy radicals. They will and a way to be offended by these band-aids as well and then it will be doubly-racist.
