Ever since George Floyd, a black criminal on drugs with heart disease, died in police custody, liberals have been telling us how much systemic racism exists in this country. Sure, Republicans got rid of all that democratic party systemic racism generations ago, but this is something that liberals think so it doesn’t need to be based on facts. Speaking of liberals, they have been working overtime to rid this country of something that it is already rid of. Def-Con News presents the handy liberal guide to ending systemic racism for good:
1 – Listen: One of the thing woke white liberals say is that to stop racism we have to shut up and listen to black people. Actor Kevin Bacon recently said, “it’s a good time for old white guys like me to just shut up and listen.” Apparently all whitey has to do is listen and racism will melt away. It’s unclear why liberals never did this simple thing before, but again, they are liberals and nothing they do makes sense.
2 – Have an uncomfortable conversation about racism: Contrary to that “listen” step, to really get rid of racism, white liberals have to have an uncomfortable conversation about it. Earlier this week Rep. Eric “Nuclear Fart” Swalwell scolded Republican Matt Gaetz for not wanting to, “have the uncomfortable conversation we need about race.” Swalwell didn’t have an uncomfortable conversation on race, but he did have a conversation about having that conversation and that’s practically the same thing.
3 – Check your white privilege: After listening and having a conversation, it’s important that you apologize for being white. Matthew McConaughey recently asked a black guy, “How can I do better as a white man?” and then referred to his privilege as “white allergies.” The guy famous for saying “alright alright alright” feels all wrong about his damn white skin.
4 – Take a knee: The best way to get rid of racism is for white, preferably rich and elderly, people to kneel down in opposition to police, like Colin Kaepernick did. Nancy Pelosi and Congressional democrats did this draped in African scarves. Unfortunately Pelosi was unable to get back up under her own power so a black woman helped her up, which is all the proof you need that this kneeling thing works end racism.
5 – Bake: Nothing stops racism like oatmeal cookies. No, seriously. There is a group called Bakers Against Racism and they honestly believe baking will get rid of racism. They can’t articulate how this works, but if you doubt the effectiveness of baking against racism, you’re probably a racist. BAR Caroline Corrente says, “I follow a lot of bakeries nationally, and when I saw the Bakers Against Racism sale, it had absolutely taken off worldwide. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to use my baking skills and fundraise at the same time.”
6 – Blur the lines (on roads): Cities like New York, Los Angeles, and Washington D.C. have painted “Black Lives Matter” on roads, obscuring the traffic lanes because stopping racism means encouraging traffic accidents. D.C. and NY have also renamed or will rename streets “Black Lives Matter” because the system can’t be racist if it has to use BLM-themed thoroughfares.
7 – Kill fictional people: Aunt Jemima was killed. Uncle Ben, Mrs. Butterworth, and the Cream of Wheat chef are on death row. Normally underrepresentation is a problem for the black community, but overrepresentation in the packaged food industry was one of the things that was keeping the black man down. Thankfully corporate America is fixing this issue.
8 – Cancel everything: HBO pulled Gone with the Wind from its streaming service and shows like Cops and Live PD were cancelled. Liberals have actually made a list of shows and films that nobody should be allowed to watch because they think black people are offended by them. Cancelling popular entertainment is the modern book burning and we all know how well that worked in ending racism.
9 – Tweet: While entertainment companies are quick to get rid of “racist” programming, they are even quicker to let black people know they are loved by heartless corporations. Nearly ever streaming service out there got into a tweet-war to see who could kiss Black lIves Matter’s ass the most. Real change comes from tweeting.
10 – Defund the police: Liberals not only encourage civil unrest but also want to defund and dismantle police departments. This step comes with an asterisk however. They want riots and no cops in other people’s neighborhoods, but when it comes to their own safe spaces, they prefer no riots and lots of cops. Portland’s mayor had been cheering civil unrest until it showed up in front of his home in which case he finally had the police crack down on this crap.
11- Erase history: Crazy white anarchists have been destroying Confederate statues and monuments in the name of Black Lives Matter, but that wasn’t enough so they’ve also gone after abolitionists, black union soldiers, and even Abraham Lincoln. If you destroy historic monuments, it’s like history never happened, including slavery.
12 – Tell black people what to do: Nothing helps black people forget about slavery like an old white guy telling them what to do. That’s why Joe Biden took it upon himself to tell black people they ain’t black unless they vote for him. This would have been racist but Biden is a democrat plus he did all of the other steps, or at least he had one of his staffers do them. He’s not sure because his memory isn’t what it used to be.
These are the things liberals have been doing to end systemic racism. Unfortunately what they call racism, normal people call “it sucks to be poor.” Many black people are poor in this country and that means they live in shitty unsafe neighborhoods, don’t have a lot of employment opportunities, and are involved in crime.
None of these liberals steps to end racism are going to make black people safe, successful, or improve their lives in any way, but they do make liberals feel good about themselves and that’s really the most important thing here.
