Joe Biden kicked off his pretend-presidency by admitting to breaking his foot while running naked down an alleyway, grabbing his dog’s tail. If he is indeed sworn in as POTUS in January, the Week in WTF? column will become obsolete due to his insanity. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen and in the meantime, here’s some non-Biden WTF?:
Headline of the Week
A woman has amazed her social media users after revealing she sunbathes her vagina for two hours a day.
Letícia Martins, known as Lunna Leblanc, 23, who is originally from Brazil, shared a snap on her Instagram page in which she could be seen presenting her vulva to the sun as part of her morning routine.
The 23-year-old argued that ‘exposing private parts to the sun’ can ‘provide more energy’ and ‘increase libido’, adding that it can also ‘help you get a good nights sleep’.
Sharing the snap, she wrote: ‘Nothing better than a morning sun.
‘Did you know that exposing your private parts to the sun can provide you with more energy, increase your libido, improve the circadian rhythm (which regulates the entire functioning of the human body) and still help you get a good night’s sleep?’
Just watch out for clit burn. In related news…
Bush of the Week
See the lunar eclipse during the full beaver moon
November’s full moon brought with it an iconic visual spectacle, seen around the world. Early Monday morning, the moon entered what is called a penumbral lunar eclipse, when the moon moves into Earth’s penumbra, or outer shadow.During the eclipse, about 85% of the moon turns a shade darker during the peak or middle phase of the eclipse.
Native Americans called the November full moon a beaver moon, associating it with the time of the year when beavers finish building their lodges, made of branches and mud, to prepare for the winter.
Modern Americans associate the full beaver moon with the time of year when razors are scarce and wax goes into hibernation.
Castration of the Week
Germany’s giant wooden penis has gone missing
It’s been a week for unexplained phallic sculptures in the wild. First the Utah monolith was removed, a group of men dismantling it within minutes and carting it away. Now a 6 foot 6 inch penis statue has gone missing from Grünten mountain in Bavaria, Germany, leaving behind a stump, sawdust, and lingering mystery.
Erected four years ago in equally mysterious circumstances, the enormous bratwurst quickly became a hiking landmark and local attraction. The wooden willy towered over travellers, who gathered on the 5,702 foot tall mountain to gaze upon its shaft like pilgrims of the peen.
This dildo for gods was a widely embraced fixture on the mountain trail, and had even been enshrined as a cultural monument on Google Maps. Unfortunately, with its secretive and unceremonious removal over the weekend, Germany’s big dick is now permanently closed.
Local paper Allgaeuer Zeitung reports that police in Kempten, Bavaria are currently investigating the case of the purloined prick. However, it’s unclear if any offence has actually been committed. The owner of the giant one-eyed monster was and still is unknown, so there is no clear victim in this penile kidnapping — aside from admirers of the epic trouser snake. The huge pipe simply appeared on the mountainside one day with no explanation, like a dirty miracle.
Unfortunately there are currently no clues regarding the beloved knob’s disappearance, so we may never know who is behind the world’s biggest game of hide the sausage.
Nobody is happier than France that Germany is now dickless. But…
Erection of the Week
Res-erection: New giant penis statue pops up in German mountains
It’s the return of the scrotum pole.
Just days after a giant penis sculpture vanished from a German mountainside, a similarly phallic structure surfaced at the same site Thursday.
The raunchy replacement, located near Kempten, Bavaria, includes a major wood statue of male nether regions propped up with beams, the Associated Press reported. It’s unclear who is responsible for the res-erection, which is even taller than its predecessor.
Face it, Germany is a dick and this rise of the Second Reich proves it.
Cut of the Week
Malawi Police arrest pregnant woman for slicing hubby’s testicles
POLICE in Malawi’s Nkhata Bay are keeping in custody a 46-year-old woman Jestina Mbukwa for allegedly injuring her husband’s private parts over marital disputes at Matete area in the district.
The suspect is said to have not been in good speaking terms with her husband, Joseph Chawinga, over his beer drinking habits.
Reports have indicated that recently on November 24, 2020, the victim had come home drunk.
The development irritated the suspect who is expectant and this aggravated the already sour relationship between the two.
The suspect is said to have advised her husband to change his behaviour and concentrate on their house construction project.
This did not go down well with the victim who started assaulting the wife.
In the course of the quarrel, the woman stabbed her hubby on the upper jaw first before injuring his testicles with a knife.
Upon receiving reports, Officers from Nkhata Bay police rushed to the scene of the incident and took the woman for questioning as the husband is being treated at Nkhata Bay District Hospital.
“Chawinga” is the sound a knife makes as it slices into a testicle. It’s an onomatopoeia.
Nut of the week
Ten-stone testicle man, 49, dies of heart attack
Wesley Warren had suffered from an extreme case of scrotal lymphedema – a rare disease that caused his testicles to swell with fluid.
He shot to fame after a TV documentary showed him undergo a 13-hour op to remove 132.5lb of tissue last year.
But he spent the last five-and-a-half weeks of hi life in hospital after being plagued by infections stemming from his diabetes.
His death comes after Wesley, from Las Vegas, reportedly had two heart attacks in recent weeks.
Wesley – who used to wear hoodies as trousers and using the hood as a scrotum sling – had triggered his condition by accidently squashing his privates when he got out of bed one day.
Antibiotics failed to heal the inflammation and the swelling eventually made his testicles the size of a beach ball.
Wesley could not sit down and going to the loo was agony. Before his operation he said: “I miss just doing simple things such as going to the post office and shopping in the supermarket. It’s almost like being in prison.”
Plus the Vegas nightclubs have a strict “no hoodies” dress code.
Nip of the Week
Topless women now allowed to taunt cops in East Lansing
The nipple has been set free in the city of East Lansing.
City ordinances in East Lansing have long described “disorderly conduct” to include the willful public exposure of “buttocks or genitalia” — as well as the female breast. But as of this week, bare breasts are no longer a crime. City Council members said the change was about equality.
“In East Lansing, you’re not going to be arrested or charged over doing something that a man can do but a woman cannot do,” explained Mayor Aaron Stephens. “It cleaned up the books.”
The Council voted 5-0 on Tuesday to unanimously amend portions of its disorderly conduct laws, in part by removing a clause that specifically prohibited women from exposing their breasts. The idea: ensure women aren’t unfairly charged with crimes that men cannot commit.
“There’s a huge double standard in regards to men’s and women’s bodies,” said Councilwoman Jessy Gregg. “Some people might not be ready for that and consider it inappropriate, but we’re headed this way as a society in realizing that we can’t enforce a law that only affects women.”
Social justice titties. Defund the brasier! Lactating Lives Matter!
Joke of the Week
Man accused of public sex act in Forsythe Park says he was looking for new dating partner
A Rayville man is accused of engaging in a public sex at in Forsythe Park in Monroe.
Caleb Dillard, 27, was booked into Ouachita Correctional Center around 11:30 p.m. Friday.
Deputies with the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office Special Crimes Apprehension Team saw a white man, wearing no pants, masturbating in front of a Nissan Cube around 11 p.m. Friday.
Multiple people were in eyesight as the man continued to touch himself.
Deputies contacted the man and identified themselves. According to the arrest report, he said,” you are not real cops, that badge is fake,” got in the driver’s seat of the Cube and began to flee in the vehicle.
Deputies used lights and sirens to initiate a traffic stop, and the man continued to flee, reaching speeds in excess of 80 mph in residential neighborhoods, forcing multiple vehicles off the road.
After multiple blocks of pursuit, the vehicle stopped. Deputies ordered that the man get out of the Cube, and he refused. Ultimately, they removed him from his vehicle by force.
They attempted to place him in restraints, and at this time, he put on inside-out blue jeans. Dillard pulled away as deputies attempted to place him in restraints.
After being advised of his Miranda rights, Dillard reportedly told deputies, “I was at the park masturbating in order to find a new dating partner.”
Deputies searched Dillard and asked if he had any illegal items on him, and he reportedly said no. At OCC, a search revealed 2 grams of suspected methamphetamine in his pants pocket.
Nothing attracts the ladies quite like a methed-out ginger-beard, whacking it in the park.
Toke of the Week
Smoking Pipe Found in Man’s Rectum After Allegedly Assaulting Girlfriend
Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time, but a Sacramento man apparently tried to hide a narcotic smoking pipe inside his rectum after he allegedly assaulted his girlfriend in their home with a heavy drinking glass.
In a Sacramento County Superior Court preliminary hearing last week for Ernest Knox, peace officer witness Dalton Ford was questioned by Deputy District Attorney Stephanie Maroun and Assistant Public Defender Pamela Jean Dominisse for further details in the defendant’s charges of assault with a deadly weapon and corporal injury.
“As soon as I arrived I was contacted by the victim and I assessed her injuries,” said officer Ford, who was called to an apartment complex in July of this year at about 8 p.m.
Officer Ford, in response to a question by defense counsel Dominisse, said that when he arrived, the victim “did appear to be injured, holding a large bath towel to her forehead and I could see blood on her shirt”.
The injuries appeared to be serious and were treated with multiple stitches at a hospital, he said.
Officer Ford relayed to the court that the victim’s boyfriend, the defendant Knox, had hit her on the head after a verbal disagreement occurred inside the apartment.
The details of the verbal disagreement were not disclosed, although Knox allegedly was using drugs that day, causing the argument to start.
Additionally, the victim claimed Knox “was acting paranoid saying that the authorities were out to get him” and that his overall behavior was unusual.
Even though Knox had no visible injuries on his body, according to officer Ford, “he was sweating profusely and was asking for help.”
While at the hospital, “during an overall CT scan of the defendant (doctors) located what appeared to be a narcotic smoking pipe in his rectum.” The pipe appeared to be one used for “smoking street drugs” and was removed from Knox’s body and booked as evidence.
So the pipe was still smoking up his butt?
Special Delivery of the Week
Atlantic Beach man caught on video placing feces in mailboxes
An Atlantic Beach man was arrested Thursday after police said he was caught on video putting feces in mailboxes.
Andrew Stelzmann, 62, was booked into the Duval County Jail and charged with criminal mischief and stalking, the Atlantic Beach Police Department said in a Facebook post.
Police received complaints from multiple people about Stelzmann not only putting feces in mail boxes, but also leaving obscene letters with drawings.
A neighbor was able to get video of Stelzmann in the act and gave that video to police.
Isn’t the mail service shitty enough already?
Extra-Special Delivery of the Week
Villagers install roadside toilet as ‘Amazon drivers keep pooing on grass verge’
Villagers have got so fed up of lorry drivers pooing on the roadside, they’ve set up a toilet and invited people to use it.
Locals in Hoo, Kent, have been complaining for more than two years about the behaviour of HGV drivers visiting an Amazon warehouse nearby.
They say the drivers park on grass verges alongside busy roads and defecate next to their vehicles – leaving the mess for villagers to clear up.
Spar shop manager Kim Hazelwood said ‘Sometimes there are lorries everywhere you look and what they leave behind really isn’t nice. Everyone’s fed up with the situation but it just doesn’t get any better.’
She said internet retail giant had finally opened facilities for drivers to park up and use but because they were charging, the workers were choosing to drop their trailers off at the depot before parking their cabs along the highway.
‘Surely, Amazon should offer the services for free. That way the problem would be solved,’ she said.
Residents have stopped going for walks as it’s common to come across faeces and toilet paper on the ground.
‘Since the warehouse opened, this is getting worse, worse and worse. Since Covid, we are encouraged to walk and exercise more, but we can’t because there’s s**t everywhere.
San Francisco is spreading.
Outhouse of the Week
Naked stranger, feces-covered walls found inside Hillsboro-West End home
A man living at a home in Hillsboro-West End returned after several days to find a naked man inside, the walls covered in feces and rotting food all over the floor, a police report states.
Metro police were called to a reported burglary Tuesday afternoon at a residence on Essex Place, which is off Interstate 440 just south of Vanderbilt University.
Officers arrived and found the back door of the home open. Once inside, they said they located a naked man, identified as 38-year-old Carl Perry, who was taken into custody.
An arrest warrant states a resident of the home and his roommates were gone for nine days. When the resident returned, he said he found the home in disarray, with every piece of furniture in every room “damaged beyond repair.”
Officers observed “fecal matter” on all of the walls and trash thrown everywhere, according to the warrant. The paperwork states there was food rotting on the floor and the microwave above the stove was completely melted and had fallen off the wall.
Investigators determined there was no sign of forced entry at the home and Perry had entered through an unlocked window or door.
Funny, I thought a “shithouse” was something completely different.
In House of the Week
Told not to urinate near staircase, man abuses, stabs brother in Ahmedabad
A man has been detained for allegedly stabbing his younger brother with a knife at a village in Ahmedabad district of Gujarat on Wednesday afternoon.
A 47-year-old man was stabbed with a knife by his elder brother after he objected to the latter allegedly relieving himself near the staircase of their house in Shakti Society of Ahmedabad’s Danilimda village on Wednesday. The victim, identified as Pulkit Kadikar was rushed to a nearby hospital by neighbours, while his elder brother, identified as Kalpesh Kadikar, was detained by the police for allegedly attacking the former.
According to the police, the Kalpesh and his family live on the ground floor of the house, while Pulkit, an RTO employee, lives alone on the same house’s first floor. The two share a sour relationship due to a property dispute.
On Tuesday, when Pulkit came back home from the office, he found Kalpesh urinating near the staircase of the house. Pulkit objected to it. Enraged over this, Kalpesh allegedly hurled abuses at him and left.
The next day, Kalpesh again verbally abused Pulkit and later brought a knife from his house and stabbed him. Hearing Pulkit’s cries, bystanders rushed to the spot and took him to a government hospital.
Why would you get pissed that someone named “Pulkit” can’t keep his dick in his pants?
Bladder of the Week
James Howard Durand, 26, had been drinking since 10am the previous day when he was stopped by police in Agnes Water, Central Queensland, on October 6.
He fronted Yeppoon Magistrates Court on Thursday and pleaded guilty to driving without a licence and being over the no-alcohol limit…
Durand told the court he had consumed 50 drinks before getting behind the wheel without a licence.
‘Is fifty a turn of phrase?,’ Magistrate Philippa Beckinsale asked.
‘It was all true,’ Durand explained.
‘Me and my mates were on the p*** hard.’
The court heard Durand had been stopped at about 2.30pm on Tavern Road after he parked in front of a police car and went to urinate in a bush.
The 26-year-old blew a BAC rating of 0.042 and was taken to Agnes Water Police Station.
If I can go 5 beers without having to piss, I consider it a major victory.
Super Freak of the Week
Florida man punches cab driver, shouts ‘I’m Rick James, b–ch!’
A 6-foot-3, 300-pound Florida man was arrested after he allegedly punched a cab driver, then danced in the street yelling, “I’m Rick James, b–ch!”
The suspect, Paul Kijek, also shouted, “You white motherf–kers,” before he was arrested just 2 miles from his Clearwater, Fla., home over the weekend. A Pinellas County arrest affidavit identified the 50-year-old as a white male.
According to police, witnesses at Back Bar and Lounge stopped Kijek from driving home from that venue “due to his level of intoxication” shortly after 4 a.m. Sunday.
When a taxi arrived to pick him up, Kijek allegedly got inside, began yelling at the driver, then punched him from the backseat. He then jumped into the street doing what appeared to be his impersonation of comedian Dave Chappelle, who used the phrase “I’m Rick James, b–ch,” when impersonating the late “Super Freak” singer. James died in 2004.
Kijek was charged with simple battery and released on $600 bond…
Dude needs to check his white privilege.
WTF? of the Week
A Sydney woman whose matricidal violence was so extreme she’s become known as the Demon Daughter stabbed her mom more than 100 times, an Australian court has learned.
The Daily Mail reports that the Demon Daughter, whose real name is Jessica Camilleri, said of the moment when she slaughtered her mom, “I kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing her, I took her head off.”
The 57-year-old Rita Camilleri’s decapitated head turned up on the footpath of the family home.
The Demon Daughter had done such a number stabbing her mom that she cut out her eyeballs, tongue and the tip of her nose and left it on the kitchen floor, according to prosecutor Tony McCarthy’s report in court on Tuesday.
McCarthy told the court that the Demon Daughter gave her mother “at least 40 stab wounds to the right cheek and ear.”
He added that Camilleri gave her mother an additional 62 stab or incision wounds.
News.com.au reports that Rita was so desperate to temper the maniacal violence in her disturbed daughter that she paid $2,500 to a medium to “get the demon out” of her.
“She paid $2500 but never got any service, I believe she was desperate for anything to help,” a friend the family said of the mother’s desperate attempt to exorcise the demon from her daughter before she was ultimately stabbed to death.
The Demon Daughter was a big fan of the Jeepers Creepers horror film franchise, which centers on a flesh-eating demonic creator who eats people so as to replace its own lost body parts. Sadly, this apparently became inspiration for the savage stabbing that took her mom’s life and cut off her head.
At least we finally get an answer to the question: Jeepers creepers, where’d you get those peepers?
