Do you want to help wealthy socialists abolish all police? Well then, Ben & Jerry’s has just the thing for you. The America-hating hippy ice cream makers have teamed up with unemployed America-hating Colin Kaepernick to make a vegan frozen desert that will apparently “defund and abolish police.” How a shitty pseudo-ice cream will accomplish that is anyone’s guess.
Lefties normally hate sports, especially football, but when Colin Kaepernick screwed himself out of a multi-million dollar gig as a back-up quarterback by crapping all over the flag, liberals fell in love with him. Ben & Jerry’s are so enamored with him that they’ve lovingly made him into a frozen treat:
No surprise, we’ve known about and admired Colin Kaepernick for years. First it was because of his skills and leadership on the football field. And then it was because of his efforts to use his position and his voice to protest police violence, systemic racism, and white supremacy. He sacrificed his career just so that he could speak up for and stand with people who’ve been systematically oppressed. That kind of courage is uncommon—and desperately needed.
If this seems like a joke, it’s not. They really did make a Kaepernick vegan ice cream:
Sometimes things make perfect sense, and when they come together it’s like, what took so long? In retrospect, combining Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Chocolate Fudge Brownie to make Half Baked feels like a real no brainer, right?
Well, we feel the same way about Change the Whirled, our new flavor partnership with Colin Kaepernick to benefit Know Your Rights Camp. We both care deeply about and focus much of our time and energy on advancing issues of social and racial justice. We both think ice cream creates joy and is a great way to bring people together. And we both are clearly talented enough to start at quarterback right this second for any professional football team.
Sometimes when you’re really high, things seem funnier than they are. This however isn’t one of them:
Now here we are, six months later, with a brand-new full-time flavor, Change the Whirled. It’s vegan, because Kaepernick is a committed vegan, and it’s delicious, because of course! But the sweetest part is that all of his proceeds from the sales of the flavor will go right to KYRC, where that money will help the organization expand its outreach to Black and Brown youth all over the country. KYRC is all about helping youth see and understand their own beauty and power, while working to dismantle systemic racism and white supremacy.
“Delicious vegan ice cream” is as big of an oxymoron as “courageous America-hater.”
Kaepernick confirmed that he’s donating his share of the profits to the Know Your Rights Camp in a statement:
Kaepernick’s portion of the proceeds from sales of Change the Whirled will support the work of Know Your Rights Camp. Kaepernick founded Know Your Rights Camp in Oakland, CA in 2016 to advance the liberation and well-being of Black and Brown communities.
Black and brown communities need to be liberated? Who are they occupied by? Black and brown people? This sounds like a call for genocide, doesn’t it?
Kaepernick added that he hopes this Ben & Jerry’s vegan atrocity will “off the pigs” once and for all.
“I’m honored to partner with Ben & Jerry’s on Change the Whirled. Their commitment to challenging the anti-Black roots of policing in the United States demonstrates a material concern for the wellbeing of Black and Brown communities. My hope is that this partnership will amplify calls to defund and abolish the police and to invest in futures that can make us safer, healthier, and truly free,” said Kaepernick.
So he’s hoping that a vegan ice cream will abolish the police? Good luck with that. Then again, he thought opting out of his 49ers contract would lead to a big payday on the free agent market, so maybe he doesn’t have the most realistic goals in mind.
