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Zodiak Killer Ted Cruz Murders Eric Swalwell Over “Fang Bang” Chinese Spy Scandal

Zodiak Killer Ted Cruz Murders Eric Swalwell Over “Fang Bang” Chinese Spy Scandal

Earlier this week California democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell was revealed to have been compromised by Chinese spy Christin Fang, with a likely sexual blackmail scandal to go with it. Swalwell was one of the democrats who pushed the BS “Russian Collusion” narrative against President Trump, so many Republicans noticed the projection and hypocrisy considering he probably banged a Chinese intelligence agent. Nobody however, was more harsh or hilarious than Senator Ted Cruz, who absolutely murdered Swalwell over the “Fang Bang” scandal.

Let’s start with Donald Trump Jr. who found an old Swalwell tweet that hasn’t aged well:

Not bad. Don Jr. catches Swalwell being full of shit and even worked in his television appearance flatulence problem.

The House Judiciary Republicans got him even worse in this exchange:

Swalwell was definitely flattened by that one but he did walk right into it. The one time he took his head out of his ass and he stumbled chin-first into haymaker.

In gruesome news, Ted Cruz, who has been accused of being the Zodiac Killer, dismembered Swalwell with this one:

Damn! Ted Cruz has a sense of humor, but this is funny even for him. In fact it’s so brutal it’s hysterical.

Not to nitpick, given the sheer hilariousness of this, but Cruz’s joke is similar to one we made on Def-Con News when we first reported Swalwell’s Fang Bang problem:

Remember at the beginning of the pandemic when Trump banned travel from China and democrats like Swalwell encouraged people to go out and “eat Chinese” to counter the President’s racism? It sort of takes on a new meaning now, huh?

It’d be cool if Ted Cruz actually read DCN and was inspired by our warped sense of humor. If not, great minds think alike.

And finally, conservative actor James Woods is doing some killing of his own:

The only problem here is that Swalwell is too dumb to know how badly torched he’s gotten over this. Those dead eyes, that blank stare, and that gaping mouth are not hiding genius. There’s probably a pretty good reason why China targeted him for infiltration. A smarter man would have seen Fang Fang from a mile away.