Congress has finally agreed on a Coronavirus relief bill and is expected to pass within the next day. While it does provide some modest financial help for people who have been devastated by the pandemic, there’s also a lot of garbage in there like millions of dollars going to Pakistan for “gender studies” whatever the hell that is. Don’t worry though, this bill is so massive that nobody in Congress will ever read it and therefor nobody will ever contest it, making it a shoe-in to pass.
The NY Post reports:
Congressional leaders on Monday released the text of a 5,593-page COVID-19 stimulus package hours before a midnight government funding deadline.
The massive legislation is one of the longest bills ever considered, but is expected to pass swiftly over back-bench grumbles.
The bill contains $600 stimulus checks for most Americans with another $600 per child, a $300 weekly unemployment supplement and $284.4 billion in forgivable small-business Paycheck Protection Program loans.
And about that 5,593 page bill, Senator Rand Paul has some reservations:
Deficit busting bill will be 5,593 pages!
If 250 words per page, then that’s 1,398,250 words
If Congresspeople read at the American average of 300 words/min (a big assumption)
then a Congressperson might read this in 4,660 minutes or 77.68 hours!
(if no rest breaks)
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 21, 2020
While it’s unlikely that any lawmakers are going to read this thing before passing it, conservative commentator Tom Elliot perused it and found some very interesting items:
The Covid relief bill includes $1.5 million for the Appropriations Committee’s “Office of Diversity and Inclusion” as well as lots of money for receptions pic.twitter.com/Biy5ULBD4G
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
The Covid relief bill stipulates funds can’t be used for accessing pornographic websites unless it’s “official business” pic.twitter.com/4KYOQydtcQ
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
The Covid relief bill includes funding to discourage teenagers from drinking and hooking up pic.twitter.com/fklSOaW4Gp
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
The Covid relief bill includes a lengthy subsection titled “the Horseracing Integrity and Safety Act of 2020” pic.twitter.com/zfBtHUnRhE
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
The Covid relief bill includes $193 million for federal HIV/AIDS workers stationed abroad to buy new cars pic.twitter.com/y16iyK2aJF
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
The Covid relief bill also includes $10 million for “gender programs” in Pakistan pic.twitter.com/7kivucCjvY
— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) December 21, 2020
It’s hard to imagine the coronavirus stands a chance with all of this well-thought spending. I can see why Nancy Pelosi has held the American people hostage for the past 5 months, fighting for this stuff.
This bill is such a mess that it has Ted Cruz agreeing with Alexandria Ocasio Cortez:
Congress is expected to vote on the second largest bill in US history *today* – $2.5 trillion – and as of about 1pm, members don’t even have the legislative text of it yet.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) December 21, 2020
It’s not good enough to hear about what’s in the bill. Members of Congress need to see & read the bills we are expected to vote on.
I know it’s “controversial” & I get in trouble for sharing things like this, but the people of this country deserve to know. They deserve better.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) December 21, 2020
.@AOC is right.
It’s ABSURD to have a $2.5 trillion spending bill negotiated in secret and then—hours later—demand an up-or-down vote on a bill nobody has had time to read. #CongressIsBroken https://t.co/EQp8BfRBHj
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) December 21, 2020
I’m pretty sure that AOC making sense is the 6th sign of the Apocalypse. Now all we need is for Joe Biden to be inaugurated and our doom is sealed.
And to put all of this into perspective, here’s 70’s light-rocker Van Morrison:
Remember, those who are shutting down our economy haven’t missed a paycheck since lockdown began. We are not in this together.
— Van Morrison (@vanmorrison) December 21, 2020
But they are going to give us back $600 of our own money and hope we don’t notice all the other insane shit in this ridiculous spending bill.
