New year, same WTF? Technically most of this WTF? is from last year but it’s being presented this year. That’s how WTF? works; it doesn’t have to make a lot of sense. Speaking of which…
Headline of the Week
Finland’s great tits! Also blue tits, coal tits, crested tits and more!
The Paridae is a large family of small birds found in the Northern Hemisphere and Africa. They are commonly referred to as tits over most of their distribution, but in North America they are known as chickadees or titmice.
In Finland there are 6 members of this family, and most of the tits in Finland nest in tree cavities excavated by woodpeckers or in nest boxes put up by people.
How can a story about tits and peckers be so disappointing?
Worst Headline of the Week
A pair of bikie brothers have been charged over an alleged wild brawl that started when one took the other’s the last $10 and put it in his poker machine.
Mongols OMCG enforcers Shayden and Luke Owens were having a drinking session at the Rydalmere Tavern, in Sydney’s west, about 10.30pm on Thursday, October 29 when a brotherly argument broke out.
Daily Mail Australia understands that one of the brothers took the other’s money and put it in the pokies, angering his sibling.
Within moments the two Owens brothers had allegedly come to blows, with the pair seen wrestling in the gaming area before Luke, 31, hit his head on a pokie.
Shayden, 26, then allegedly landed on top of his brother, at which point bouncers at the Rydalmere Tavern were able to separate the pair.
Police arrested Luke, who was on bail while awaiting a District Court trial, more than a week later on November 9 and charged him with assault occasioning actual bodily harm.
This barely seems like it was written in English.
Ringer of the Week
Firefighters In Alor Setar Had To Be Called In To Remove 2 Rings From A Man’s Penis
In an incident that happened on the first day of 2021, a team of firefighters had to be called in at the Sultanah Bahiyah Hospital (HSB) in Alor Setar, Kedah to remove two rings from a married man’s penis
The firefighters were called after the man failed to take off the rings.
According to Alor Setar Fire and Rescue Station chief Deputy Fire Superintendent Ahmad Naufal Abdullah, his department received a call regarding the emergency situation at 4.07am Friday, 1 January 2021.
Following which, a team led by Senior Fire Officer II Ahmad Rusdi Lazim arrived at the HSB within five minutes after receiving the call and started performing the operation to cut the rings.
“The operation was performed carefully using a ring cutter to prevent serious injury to the victim’s genitals. The victim is 38 years old and is married,” he said when contacted today.
It took Bomba over an hour to remove the two rings
According to Deputy Fire Superintendent Ahmad Naufal, this is the first case involving rings being stuck in the penis of a man at the start of the new year.
They also found a ring around Uranus. Bonus joke: that’s one way to ring in the new year.
Flusher of the Week
NYC man cuts off penis, throws it in toilet
A man cut off his penis on Wednesday and reportedly threw it in a toilet at his Staten Island apartment, police and sources said.
The 50-year-old man’s roommate called police at about 11:45 a.m. and told them that the man had cut his own arm, law enforcement sources said.
Officers responding to an apartment on Main Street in Tottenville found the man with a wound to his right arm, which he said was self-inflicted, according to sources.
The man later told EMTs that he cut off his penis and discarded it in an upstairs toilet, sources said.
First responders confirmed the man’s genitals were gone and investigators found a massive amount of blood inside the second-floor bathroom, according to sources.
Medical workers also discovered one of the man’s testicles was cut off, sources said.
The man told police he is bipolar and schizophrenic.
It is not clear if his genitalia were found.
It would have been funnier if he was from Flushing, NY.
Shaver of the Week
Bendigo vet says sedate rams before shearing woolly scrotums to avoid injury
As the weather heats up, livestock producers are being encouraged to take care they don’t damage valuable scrotums when shearing rams.
Bendigo veterinarian Tristan Jubb says that while rams appreciate having the wool trimmed from their nether regions, they are understandably apprehensive about the process.
“There’s got to be some real care and expertise in shearing woolly scrotums,” Mr Jubb said.
“Shearing woolly scrotums is a good idea to make sure the [testicles] don’t overheat and the sperm quality stays high.
“But you definitely don’t want to cut the scrotum.”
Mr Jubb recommends anxious rams be relaxed with the help of sedatives.
You’d be anxious too if you had to walk around with danglers like that.
Chopper of the Week
Attackers chop off man’s genitals
A man is nursing injuries at the St Joseph’s Shelter of Hope Hospital in Voi town, Taita Taveta County after his private parts were reportedly chopped off by people known to him on Sunday.
Confirming the incident Mwatate Sub-county Police Commander Ahmed Abdile said they were still looking for the suspects, who the victim had identified.
“Once we are through with our investigations, we shall know the motive of the attack. But for now, investigations are still going on. The victim is also in stable condition,” Abdille said.
According to the brother of the victim, the suspects emerged from the forest, attacked his brother, undressed him before cutting off his genitals.
The suspects then threw the genitals away and fled the scene of the incident.
The victim bleeding profusely, picked his genitals and ran home while crying in pain.
He literally took his balls and went home.
Wanger of the Week
Fashion designer Alexander Wang accused of sexual assault in social media posts
Famed fashion designer Alexander Wang has been accused of sexual assault in a series of social media posts.
In one of the claims, model Owen Mooney posted a TikTok video alleging that the New York-based designer allegedly groped his genitals at a crowded city nightclub back in 2017.
“I was by myself at one point and this guy next to me obviously took advantage of the fact that no one could f—ing move and he just started like, touching me up,” Mooney says in the video. “And fully like, up my leg, in my crotch, like it made me freeze completely because I was in such shock. I looked to my left to see who it was and it was this really famous fashion designer.”
Mooney later confirmed in a followup post that he was referring to Wang. “This comment surprised me just because they actually got it right,” Mooney said about a commenter who correctly guess it was Wang. “Turns out Alexander Wang is a massive sexual predator.”
Alexander Wang likes dick. In related news, Alexander Stool is full of shit.
Hacker of the Week
Man hacks wife, cuts off his genitals
The police in Rakai district are investigating a brutal incident in which a man hacked his wife before turning on himself and chopped off his genitals.
The couple- Nasiifa Namata, 28, and Bernard Musumba, 32 were admitted in a critical condition at Kyotera Medical Centre. Namata sustained deep cuts on the head, back of the neck, throat, wrist, and other parts of the body.
On the fateful night, Musumba woke up and went into the sitting room where he sat for several minutes. Namata followed him and he opened up that he was planning to take his life.
She added that she pleaded with him to change his mind for the good of their children but all fell on deaf ears. In the process, Musumba pulled out a panga and cut her several times leaving her lying in a pool of blood.
Aloud alarm woke their children who found their mother severely bleeding helplessly. According to Namata, she told her 10-year-old daughter to call for help and she was rescued in time.
However, Musumba went out of the house and stabbed himself several times and later cut off his penis. But residents notified police in the area, which rushed him to the same hospital where his wife was admitted.
Although it seems like a crime of passion, there are no clues to what prompted a husband and loving father to commit such a gruesome act.
According to Namata, her husband was a humble man and has never laid a hand on her for more than 10 years they have been together.
She explained that they had set up a retail shop in Kyakasenene trading centre while Musumba was planning to start a banana business to supplement the family income when the unfortunate incident happened.
Well, he was trying to start a banana business.
Snacker of the Week
Man with ‘samosa between his buttocks’ among 45,000 arrests made by West Midlands Police
Police have revealed details of some of the most unusual arrests made in the Midlands in 2020 – including a man who hid a samosa in his buttocks.
The detainee was found with the fried savoury treat during a police search before being booked into a police custody facility.
It is alleged the man told officers he wanted to sneak the samosa into his cell as a snack as he was sceptical about the quality of food offered by the force.
Inspector Manj Ahir, from West Midlands Police Criminal Justice department, said: “We’ve had a few odd incidents. One that sticks in my mind was a man found with a samosa secreted between his buttocks during a search.
“He said he wanted to sneak it into the cell as a snack as he’d didn’t think the food was up to much. He’d obviously not read our positive Tripadvisor reviews!”
WTF? is a samosa?
Rocker of the Week
‘Body broker’ arrested after ‘dumping five severed heads and 24 limbs in Arizona forest’
Walter Mitchell, 59, who ran a business managing corpses for research, has been detained after cops made the grisly find on Boxing Day.
Police say the bodies are believed to be connected to a business Mitchell owned in Seattle called Future GenX.
The human remains are believed to have been from individuals who donated their bodies to science for research.
His business is claimed to have recently shut down, but his motive for the alleged crime remains unknown.
Horrified cops described the case as as “unimaginable”, “bizarre and grisly” and “abhorrent and intolerable”.
Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office were first called when two human limbs were discovered outside the city of Prescott, Arizona.
Investigators drove out to the remote area and then found a total of 19 limbs, including detached arms and legs.
The next day detectives found five more limbs alongside five severed human heads at a second location.
Telltale signs of medical supplies on the remains led cops to quickly rule out that there was a serial killer on the loose.
Investigators found gauze-like material and “puppy pads” at the scene, and used the evidence to link the corpses to Mitchell.
Mitchell is alleged earlier this year to have taken human remains belonging to five individuals from his business in Seattle.
Mitchell was featured in two 2017 reports by news agency Reuters where he was interviewed and described as a “veteran body broker”.
“If you can’t make a business when you’re getting raw materials for free you’re as dumb as a box of rocks,” he said at the time.
He faces 28 counts of unlawful discarding of human remains.
Or dumb like a bag full of severed human heads. Bonus joke: This guy gives great head.
Irrigator of the Week
Erie County Inmate Breaks Off Sprinkler Head, Floods Cell, Then Inserts Sprinkler Into Rectum
Frie County Sheriff Timothy B. Howard reports Deputies charged an inmate with two criminal counts after he deliberately set off the sprinkler system at one facility and damaged a sprinkler head at another.
The first incident occurred on November 20 at the Erie County Correctional Facility. On this date, 20-year-old inmate Keinn Moore activated the sprinkler system in his cell. The spraying water caused significant damage to his cell, as well as the housing area and the adjacent housing area.
Then, on December 12 at the holding center, inmate Moore used a sheet to break a sprinkler head away from the pipe in his cell. Hundreds of gallons of water flooded the cell and surrounding areas. Moore proceeded to insert the sprinkler head into his rectum before Deputies removed him from his cell.
Moore is charged with a misdemeanor count of reckless endangerment for the correctional facility’s November 20 incident. He is also charged with a felony count of criminal mischief – damage another’s property for the December 12 incident at the holding center.
I’ve got a mule and her name is Sal, Fifteen years on the Erie C-anal
Dryer of the Week
Fire extinguisher dry off lands Florida man in jail
A Florida man who wasn’t on fire is charged with a felony after police say he sprayed himself with a fire extinguisher in an attempt to dry himself.
The Tallahassee Democrat reported that Florida State University police found 54-year-old David Mann in a parking garage Tuesday night with an extinguisher and covered in powder.
Police say Mann told them he had been drinking, fell asleep, and then fell in water when he woke up. He said he was trying to dry himself off.
Interfering with firefighter equipment is a third-degree felony.
He should have lit himself on fire. Speaking of which…
Trucker of the Week
Florida man accused of setting his own truck on fire to give deputies ‘something to do’
A Florida man sent his own truck up in flames because he wanted to give deputies “something to do,” according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office.
Deputies said they received reports of a loud explosion on Mare Creek Road in Crestview on Dec. 18 and found a 2002 Chevrolet Silverado fully engulfed in flames.
When authorities arrived on scene, 28-year-old Kevin Murphy immediately admitted to starting the fire, records show.
Records show Murphy claimed he poured gas inside the Chevy’s cab and under the truck then created a trail away from the vehicle and set the fire.
He was placed in handcuffs and when deputies searched him, they said they found a glass pipe used to smoke methamphetamine in his pocket and a folded up dollar bill with traces of meth in his wallet.
When questioned, Murphy said, “He wanted something for the sheriff’s office to do and he wanted to give himself an early Christmas present, so he set his truck on fire,” according to the affidavit.
Florida Man meth fire truck.
Vibrator of the Week
Dildo was hoping to cash in on a post-Kimmel boom — then came the pandemic
When Sulagna Sanyal and Rajesh Menon drove into the eastern Newfoundland community of Dildo for the first time in August 2019, they were surprised by the traffic jam on the main road and the booming businesses along them.
The couple had made the trip to Newfoundland from Fort McMurray, Alta., to look at a waterfront property they were thinking of buying. They were totally unaware that the frenzy in town was the result of U.S. talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel’s obsession with the town’s name and the publicity it had generated.
By December, Sanyal and Menon had moved to Dildo, and this past summer opened Yes B’y Indian Restaurant — the only Indian restaurant in rural Newfoundland.
Their fresh start came as excitement about the Kimmel hype was at a fever pitch. Business owners were banking on tourists from all over North America putting Dildo on their travel itinerary in 2020.
But three months after Sanyal and Menon moved to Dildo, the pandemic struck. By the time the 2020 tourism season started, any hopes of a massive influx of visitors had been replaced by the struggle to keep their businesses afloat without customers.
They now plan to move to Buttplug, Nova Scotia to open a fudge packing business.
Vibrators of the Week
Mum horrified as daughter’s new colouring book features list of SEX toys and saucy positions
A MUM blasted a toy shop after her daughter’s new colouring book contained a list of sex positions and kinky names.
Sionain Garland, 33, was horrified when her child opened the sketchpad to find dozens of words for romping and x-rated toys.
Her daughter Chloe, 7, had received the £4.99 stationery set containing two notepads and pens from her best friend for Christmas.
It listed a number of crudely-named characters including Harry Ballsack and Hugh G. Showers – as well as Goldie Showers.
It also had a choice of sex toys like handcuffs and a rabbit vibrator and a list of positions.
The colouring book had been bought as a Christmas present from toy shop The Entertainer in Cardiff, Wales, by a family friend.
Sionain told The Sun: “It’s absolutely shocking and totally inappropriate.
“The page is stuck in the book just like all the other pages, and it consists of a list of sex positions, sex toys, sexual sort of names and places to have sex.
“This colouring and stationery book is aimed at under-eights so you don’t expect to see such sexually explicit material in there.
“The book was in a plastic outer package that we had to cut off and the game sheet was attached to the inside front cover.
“The way it is attached means that it must have been done at the time it was printed because it looks as though it has been professionally bound, not just stuck in there randomly.”
“Chloe is at the age now where she can read and starting to ask questions so I don’t really want her exposed to things such as this.
“I couldn’t make sense of it at first because it was so out of place.”
It’s simple: his name is Harry Ballsack because his ballsack is hairy.
Whatever This Is of the Week
Police Blotter – Flathead County Sheriff’s and Kalispell Police reports
12:02 a.m. The occupants of a truck with a dead deer’s head in the windshield — one who was wearing a ski mask and the other with a radio clipped to his shirt — got very defensive when confronted.
1:48 a.m. A man who called to report an underage drinking party called back to recant.
2:53 a.m. An uninvited man walked into a COVID testing tent.
9:32 a.m. A woman was “testing her 911 line” because it didn’t work last week.
9:35 a.m. A man flipped off a woman.
1:25 p.m. An “anti-masker” was causing a scene.
2:04 p.m. Eight dozen baseballs were stolen.
3:27 p.m. Someone cut down a tree on a Columbia Falls man’s property.
4:51 p.m. A driver whose car lost its license plate somewhere between Malta and Hot Springs called to see if anyone had found it.
5:12 p.m. A man on a bike was lurking.
6:10 p.m. A Hungry Horse woman whose TV was not working thought it could be unplugged. Dispatch asked her to call back tomorrow with an update.
That’s just one night on the mean streets of Flathead County.
WTF? of the Week
The Idaho chapter of The Satanic Temple is currently hosting a charity drive cleverly titled “Menstruatin’ with Satan,” where they’re collecting donations of personal hygiene products for those who can’t afford it.
“Menstruatin’ with Satan” is a campaign that aims to make menstruation products available to all people in need, especially those who may not be able to afford them without assistance. Menstruation is a non-optional physical reality for many people, and the continued stigmatization of menstruation is harmful to everyone…”
As a way to get more donations from people locally, the group left drop boxes in different areas, including at a pub called The Crown and Thistle. And this apparently led to backlash from some of the customers who weren’t thrilled about the association.
Online comments suggest the anger originated in a Facebook group for local “foodies” who discuss the best places in town.
Another commenter said in a deeply flawed analogy that this was akin to the KKK putting a “Toys for Tots” box in a restaurant.
Another person said the pub would “NEVER receive any of my family’s business.”
It would’ve been very easy for the pub to just remove the box and hope the controversy disappeared.
Instead, to his credit, the co-owner of the pub defended the fundraiser:
“As we have told many people since before we even opened, the pub is a safe, neutral place for beer, food, and the betterment of our community. A local group asked if we would be willing to put a bin out for the collection of necessary feminine products for women in need, in shelters and abusive situations. For such a worthy cause, of course we said yes. We would do the same for any worthy cause presented by our area. Because we are built by this community and we exist for this community,” [co-owner Ben] Drake’s statement reads.
Everybody’s welcome except people in MAGA hats.
