In the least WTF? moment of the week, democrats have once again sided with terrorists. What is WTF? about this is that they seem to think that building a coalition of BLM, Antifa, and Hamas will help them in the midterms. Here’s some other WTF? that was doomed to failure:
Headline of the Week
Florida man with gun shoots at Florida man with a banana
A Florida man was jailed Tuesday after allegedly shooting at another driver who threw part of a banana at his truck. WFLA reports that the road rage incident occurred around 8 a.m. in the Tampa Bay area after an argument between Peter Sala Jr. and Robert Lewis went south on Highway 19 North.
Sala Jr. reportedly tossed what appeared to be a partial banana toward Lewis, striking the side of his vehicle. Lewis allegedly responded by firing his handgun at Sala Jr, shattering his passenger side window and causing a shard of glass to cut the victim’s leg.
Lewis was locked up in the Pinellas County Jail and his bond was set at $12,000.
On the bright side, Sala Jr. was cured of his banana-throwing habit.
Greasy Nuts of the Week
A fan spotted a seriously NSFW wardrobe malfunction in ‘Grease 2’ after almost 40 years
Next month “Grease 2” celebrates its 40th anniversary, and superfans of the sequel have spotted an NSFW wardrobe mistake in the film in which a character’s testicles are momentarily exposed.
Last week, the actor and YouTuber Justin Root posted a short clip of “Grease 2” on Twitter with the caption: “I spotted a wardrobe malfunction in Grease 2.” The short clip shows high-school students during gym class. And while one student is running and jumping over hurdles, his testicles are exposed by the length of his shorts.
I spotted a wardrobe malfunction in Grease 2 🍆 🥔 🥔 pic.twitter.com/S88naYVeQu
— Justin Root (@JustinWRoot) May 8, 2021
Grease 2 has a fan?
Probe of the Week
Policeman probed for claiming to stir colleague’s tea with his genitals
A police officer in the United Kingdom faces disciplinary proceedings after he allegedly stirred a colleague’s tea with his genitals, along with making sexual comments about her.
The victim (name withheld) alleged during a misconduct hearing that police constable Steven Green told her he stirred his tea with his private parts, Daily Mirror reported on Tuesday, May 20.
Two witnesses also testified that Green gave the victim a massage without her permission, told her to “bend over a table,” and “forcefully” opened the female locker room door after which he asked the victim, “Are you decent?”
Green denied that his actions were unprofessional and amount to gross misconduct, but he admitted that he did push the locker room’s door. He claimed he was only “having a bit of a laugh” and making friends with the victim.
“It was never my intention to make her feel bad. I did not want to do anything malicious or make her feel uncomfortable. I misjudged the friendship,” he said in the report.
One nut or two?
Magician of the Week
Man who bit victim’s genitals before police killed him acted like ‘a demon’
The province’s police watchdog has recommended no charges be laid against a Winnipeg police officer who fatally shot a man believed to be high on magic mushrooms when he wouldn’t stop stabbing a man in front of a Charleswood home.
The final report of the March 10, 2020, incident released Friday states police officers tried to stop the attack by repeatedly used Tasers on the 27-year-old man and trying to pull him off. When the attack continued and it looked like the victim could die, an officer shot the attacker in the back from less than two metres away.
The IIU report said the incident began when a male and female resident of the house woke up at about 4:30 a.m., to see a man who had been living there for a week standing beside them holding a knife. The male resident was able to take the knife away from the man during a struggle. The attacker left and returned, armed with scissors. The attacker started stabbing the man and biting him on his genitals and elsewhere, the report states.
During the attack, the man yelled at his partner to call 911, to which the attacker said “No… don’t call 911.” The man was able to get away, but when he heard the attacker attacking the woman, he returned, and the two managed to get the scissors away from the attacker.
When the attacker again armed himself with a knife, the male victim ran out the door and onto the driveway, but the attacker tackled him and started stabbing him, including in the eye, before police arrived.
The male victim was treated for several stab wounds, and bite injuries to his neck, face and other parts of his body. He suffered permanent loss of vision to his right eye. The woman suffered cuts to her hand, large gashes behind her right ear and a large cut across her forehead.
The male victim later told IIU investigators the attacker was normally a loving and caring individual, but he would become “a monster” when he ingested large quantities of magic mushrooms. He believed the attacker was high on the drug and also suffered from undiagnosed schizophrenia.
The victim said the attacker was more like “a demon and not the person he knew… it was like the demon attacking him appeared to be enjoying himself… and wanted to kill him.”
Can we assume no charges were filed because the attacker wasn’t black?
Pit Boss of the Week
Patient with ‘armpit boobs’ gets a very unique breast reduction
Drs. Paul Nassif and Terry Dubrow had to use their expertise to help Samantha with unique breast reduction after the obscure growth in her armpits were leaking milk.
Mother-of-two Samantha came to the renowned plastic surgeons because she was so self-conscious about the ‘arm-pitties’ that she didn’t even wear her dream wedding dress due to the growths.
She explained to the camera: ‘I have two sets of boobs and although you would think that would be fun, it’s not. Having four breasts is the pits.’
Samantha explained that the growths began when she was pregnant with her daughter Kendall, and when she fell pregnant again six months after her daughter’s birth, the armpit boobs grew in size.
They were the size of ‘half a softball’ or a ‘B-cup’ bra size, while Samantha explained that they also get ‘sore and tender to the touch’ and chafe due to arm movement.
After seven previous doctors who refused to operate, the mom pleaded with the Botched doctors for their help.
Test results cleared Samantha of all thyroid concerns meaning Dr. Dubrow could operate using a liposuction canon.
‘The fact that Samantha’s thyroid workup is negative means the problem in her armpits is an isolated problem,’ Dr. Dubrow explained in a confessional. ‘We can therefore go into surgery with confidence knowing the masses in her armpits will not grow back again.’
That’s utterly ridiculous.
Pit Bossy of the Week
Missouri woman dies after being attacked by cow
A rural north-central Missouri woman has died after being attacked by a mother cow.
KTVO-TV reports that 76-year-old Jane Heisey died about 8 a.m. Thursday on a farm near the Sullivan County town of Harris.
Sullivan County Coroner Bob Wyant says Heisey and her husband, Glenn, were in a lot near their house trying to put an ear tag on a newborn calf.
The mother cow knocked Heisey to the ground and stepped on her head.
She was pronounced dead at the scene.
Again, utterly ridiculous.
Face Time of the Week
Anastasia Pokreshchuk continuously gets fillers to keep up her plump appearance.
Anastasia, from Ukraine, isn’t shy about her love of cosmetic procedures and indulged her followers about her future treatments.
One curious fan asked: “When will you do breast surgery and what size? And are you planning to do butt implants?”
A fan of the idea that bigger is better, she revealed that she plans to increase the size of her boobs larger than a D-cup.
She claims that the reason for this procedure is because “nature didn’t give me any breasts at all.”
Anastasia started her cosmetic surgery just four years ago at the age of 26 and has been getting fillers ever since.
She has spent at least £1,500 on the fillers which gives her her overly pronounced cheekbones.
But her procedures don’t stop there.
She’s also got lip fillers, veneers and has had procedures to adjust the corners of her mouth.
The model has also indulged in surgery on her jaw and chin to give her a defined, chiselled appearance.
She believes that she looked uglier with her natural look and is much happier now with her new and improved features.
How hideous was she before?
Double Shot of the Week
East Nashville man held on $1M bond after woman shot twice in buttocks
A 21-year-old man shot a woman twice in the buttocks as she left his apartment in East Nashville earlier this month, according to police.
Metro police responded to TriStar Centennial Medical Center around 10:30 a.m. on May 5, where they learned a woman had been driven to the hospital for treatment of multiple gunshot wounds.
An arrest warrant states the woman was able to identify the gunman as Nesean Thompson.
She went to his apartment complex on Sunset Circle with her friend, who is Thompson’s ex-girlfriend, to drop off the couple’s child, according to a police report.
Police said there was an argument, leading the victim and Thompson’s ex-girlfriend to leave with the child.
As they put the little girl in the vehicle, officers said Thompson ran in their direction with a gun and fired multiple shots.
They drove off and the victim realized she had been shot twice in the right buttocks, according to the warrant.
How enormous is this woman’s ass if she didn’t immediately recognize she’d been shot twice?
Chaser of the Week
Man Gets Naked To Defecate In Woods, Allegedly Chases Hiker Without His Clothes On
A 53-year-old man was arrested after admitting to law enforcement authorities he took off his clothes to defecate in the woods and a hiker allegedly stumbled up on him.
The woman told police that the man, Scott Alexander Stephens chased her. Stephens has denied her claim. Regardless, he was charged with disorderly conduct and booked into the Montgomery County Jail.
The incident happened on May 14 on Lone Star Hiking Trail #3 in the North West corner of Montgomery County.
The alleged victim told a patrol sergeant she saw Stephens — naked — but carrying an unknown article of clothing, emerge from the wooded area in her direction. That’s when she allegedly ran in the opposite direction and “…kept running and didn’t look back.”
While deputies were on scene, Stephens exited the trail head (dressed but without a shirt) and was detained for investigation. When questioned, he eventually admitted that while hiking on the trail he had to defecate and so he removed his clothing to do so. But Stephens said he hadn’t seen anyone while in the woods, according to police.
Did he wipe with the shirt?
Crack Head of the Week
Man accused of peeking through crack of bathroom stall at Dolphin Mall, exposing buttocks
42-year-old man was arrested Monday on accusations that he peered through the crack of a bathroom stall inside Dolphin Mall as another man was sitting on the toilet, authorities said.
According to a police report, the victim initially tried to use the restroom but there were too many people inside, including the suspect, who he said was just standing inside with no apparent purpose.
Police said the victim waited for about seven minutes and returned to the restroom and saw that the suspect, identified as Ruben Dario Carias Castaneda, was still there, standing in a corner.
According to the report, the victim entered one of the stalls, sat on the toilet and then saw Carias Castaneda looking at him through the crack in the door.
The victim told police he yelled at the suspect to stop, but Carias Castaneda winked at him, turned around, pulled down his pants and exposed his buttocks to the victim.
Police said the victim notified mall security about the incident and a security guard and a police officer located the suspect near the valet area where he was sitting on a bench.
Police said Carias Castaneda denied that the incident occurred.
What an asshole.
Dear Def-Con News – Weekly Advice Column
Buttsylvania – DCN
Which came first: “The anus or the mouth?”
They had a simultaneous orgasm – DCN
What is pelvic organ prolapse?
You know when people say, “blow it our your ass”? That, only with a hooha – DCN
What can ancient feces tell us about the evolution of the human gut microbiome?
Ancient feces can’t talk, so nothing – DCN
Not if you’re giving it – DCN
No, the democrats paid it to stay home – DCN
As long as it doesn’t identify as a penis – DCN
Yeast Infection, STD, or Something Else?
I’m going to go with something else – DCN
Bacterial Vaginosis or Yeast Infection?
I already told you I’m going with something else – DCN
What can I do about exposed tree roots?
Put pants on them or call the cops – DCN
Car Hop of the Week
‘Completely naked’ Minnesota woman arrested for masturbating in someone else’s car
A naked Minnesota woman was arrested last week after authorities found her pleasuring herself in a pickup truck.
Jennifer Dorit Weber, 35, was “completely naked” when a patrolman found her lying on the floor of an open gold Pontiac SUV “digitally penetrating” herself, according to a statement of probable cause…
The document noted the woman, who was in detox when the document was filed, “was making nonsensical comments and appeared to be talking to people that were not present” and continued to masturbate while communicating with authorities.
Neither pants nor underwear belonging to Weber were found in the car, but a metal spoon identified as potential drug paraphernalia was, according to the statement.
Throughout the near hour officers tried to get Weber out of the car, she “was making nonsensical statements and continued to masturbate,” according to the document.
Multiple 911 calls came in on the afternoon of May 9 concerning “a naked female walking around and jumping in and out of vehicles at a retail business that sells motor vehicles” in Mankato, about 81 miles southwest of Minneapolis, according to the document.
Weber was brought to a detoxification facility after authorities finally convinced her to exit the car, the owner of which did not give Weber the go-ahead to enter.
Hopefully the owner had a Hazmat team disinfect the vehicle.
Bored Room of the Week
Man filmed family dogs licking his penis because he was ‘bored’, sent videos on Snapchat
A man who sent videos of his parents’ dogs licking his erect penis told a court he did it because he was “bored”.
Ashley Scott Dennis, 30, was sentenced in the Adelaide Magistrates Court on Thursday after previously pleading guilty to one count of bestiality.
The court heard the man filmed the video in two segments showing the two border collies licking his genitalia and sent the footage on Snapchat to a female he was courting last year.
Dennis was arrested by police for unrelated charges on January 8, 2020 when officers became aware he was in contact with the woman via the social media application.
The court heard officers later found the footage as well as 147 other images depicting bestiality, animal sex toys and selfies masturbating on his mobile phone.
The videos were filmed in a work office space inside a shed at his parent’s property in Armagh, in the state’s Mid-North, where an opened jar of peanut butter was also found by officers.
During his sentencing, Chief Magistrate Mary-Louise Hribal said Dennis used the condiment to entice the animals to lick his penis.
“You admitted to having a dog lick your penis on one occasion around 12 to 18 months prior (to being arrested) and said that was because you were bored,” the magistrate said.
“Many people experience boredom at some time. Very few engage in this type of behaviour.
Dude needs a hobby. Like sheep f*cking or something. The border collies could actually help in that regard.
Master Blaster of the Week
A Guy Farts So Loud the Neighbors Across the Street Hear It
We’ve all left the room to pass gas in private, for obvious reasons. But this poor guy farted so loud his neighbors across the street heard him let one rip on the front porch. They sent a text telling his wife to check their doorbell cam, and there it was.
He was just playing Reveille on his butt bugle.
Hoser of the Week
Canadian soldier charged with feeding cannabis cupcakes to artillery unit during live-fire exercise
A Canadian army gunner is facing more than a dozen charges after she allegedly served cannabis-laced cupcakes to her unsuspecting artillery unit during a live-fire exercise.
Court documents allege a sudden onset of paranoia, fatigue and confusion among the troops who ate the cupcakes, unaware of their psychoactive contents.
“Several affected members were allegedly unable to properly execute safe weapons and explosive handling drills,” according to a military judge’s summary of the charges.
Were they taking pot shots?
Mug of the Week
Fire ambulance stolen in Reading, crashed in Lancaster County
A fire department ambulance that was stolen Monday in Reading later crashed into a tractor-trailer in Lancaster County.
Reading police say Reading Fire Department ambulance No. 4 was taken while first responders were attending to a call inside Kennedy Towers senior center, located in the 300 block of South Fourth Street.
They say 34-year-old Raymond Gonzalez stole the ambulance around 11:30 a.m. from the area of Fourth and Spruce streets. When paramedics brought their patient outside, they realized the ambulance had been stolen. They called for a second ambulance, which was able to respond quickly.
An off-duty paramedic who operates the ambulance was riding his motorcycle on Route 30 in Strausburg, Lancaster County, when he spotted it. Officials say he called local police and followed the ambulance until Pennsylvania State Police arrived.
Shortly after the paramedic called police, the ambulance crashed into the back of a tractor-trailer in Leacock Township, Lancaster County, police said.
Gonzalez was taken into police custody.
I have a theory as to why this guy crashed the ambulance.
Fug of the Week
Woman claims a man gave her a car in exchange for sex in Mesa
Mesa police arrested a woman over the weekend for allegedly stealing a car from a man. The woman claims the man gave it to her in exchange for sex.
Police officers pulled up and checked a gray Nissan Sentra’s registration near Country Club and University drives around 10 a.m. on Sunday. Officers realized the car was reported stolen. When the officers searched the vehicle, they found 44-year-old Diana Lee Baker inside.
Baker allegedly told officers that three days before she met a man she knew as “Robert.” She says he was the car owner, and he gave her the car after she had sex with him. The person who owned the vehicle told officers that he did not know Baker and did not give her permission to have it.
While searching the car further, officers found pieces of a plastic straw, which was melted on one side, foil, and residue, which was used to smoke fentanyl and other drugs, according to police.
It would have been more believable if she said the man gave her the car to avoid having sex with her.
WTF? of the Week
224-pound Russian woman reportedly killed husband with her buttocks
A 224-pound Russian woman faces some heavy-duty justice for sitting on her husband and strangling him to death with her massive buttocks during a boozy dispute, a report said.
Tatyana O. allegedly refused to let Aidar go even as he “begged forgiveness,” East2West News reported.
Aidar’s daughter saw him pinned face down on the bed and ran to seek help from neighbors in the Russian city Novokuznetsk, according to the news outlet, which cited evidence in the case.
A female neighbor who arrived reportedly decided the couple were in the midst of a domestic dispute and left.
Tatyana said she merely wanted to calm her hubby down after the couple had been drinking.
Aidar died from “asphyxia from blocking the respiratory system” as his face was wedged into the mattress, as Tatyana sat on his neck “using her legs so he could not lift it,” a medical examination found.
The wife “strangled husband to death with her buttocks after drinking too much alcohol,” according to a local media report cited by East2West.
After Aidan stopped showing signs of life, “the accused, frightened, shook him and shouted at him to wake him up.”
I used to think drowning was the worst way to go but now I know there are much worse ways to die.
