This week Kamala Harris embarrassed herself and the country on her trip to Central America, proving she is even more WTF? than anyone could have imagined. Here’s some other people who should have worked harder to hide their shame:
Headline of the Week
Party’s over: Amsterdam plans to keep tourists ‘in penis outfits’ away
Amsterdam has said it will not allow a return to the “nuisance and massive crowds” the city endured before the pandemic, sending a blunt warning that visitors “whose intention is to booze and misbehave, dressed like a penis” should go elsewhere.
As much of the EU prepares to open up to tourists who are vaccinated, have recovered from the coronavirus or can provide a negative test from 1 July, the Dutch capital’s city hall said in a statement it was taking “extra measures” to discourage excesses.
“Visitors who respect Amsterdam and the people of Amsterdam have always been welcome,” city hall said. “Visitors who treat our residents and heritage with disrespect are not welcome. The message for them is: don’t come to Amsterdam.”
Rob Hofland, a councillor for the progressive D66 party, told DutchNews it was “only a matter of time” before tourists started returning in numbers, adding: “If it is your intention to see the most beautiful city in the world, come to Amsterdam. If your intention is to booze and misbehave, dressed like a penis, look elsewhere!”
You can still come dressed up like a vagina, though.
Chef’s Kiss of the Week
Woman ‘cuts off husband’s penis and COOKS it after killing him in self-defence during blazing row’
Dayane Cristina Rodrigues Machado, 33, was arrested in the Brazilian city of Sao Goncalo on June 7 following the discovery of her partner Andre.
Cops were called to the couple’s house in the neighbourhood of Santa Catarina and found the victim’s lifeless, naked and mutilated body inside.
According to officers, his wife had cut off his penis and cooked it in soybean oil in a frying pan, having allegedly murdered him at around 4 am.
They seized a kitchen knife from the scene believed to be the one she used to kill her husband with and subsequently dismembered him.
According to news site UOL, the couple went out to a snack bar on the night of the crime and a row ensued.
Andre’s sister, Adriana Santos, told media outlets that the suspect killed her brother in revenge for him cheating on her.
However, Machado’s lawyer, Carla Policarpo, has said that Andre threatened her and she killed him in self-defence.
According to her lawyer: “He did not accept the end of the relationship and said that if she could not be with him, she could not be with anyone.”
The lawyer, Policarpo, says her client is remorseful.
What wine does one serve with sautéed penis?
Science of the Week
Study shows men’s brains have similar genes and proteins commonly found in testicles
Intelligence has previously been linked with sperm quality, an idea that may now be confirmed, as scientists have found the male brain and testes have a number of similarities.
A team of scientists, led by the University of Aveiro in Portugal, compared proteins from 33 tissue types and found testes and brains have more than 13,000 proteins in common, many of which are involved in tissue development and cell communication.
The investigation also found similarities in human neurons and sperm, as they both undergo exocytosis: neurons use this process to pass neurotransmitters to each other and sperm uses it when fusing with an egg.
The research was conducted by scientists from Portugal and the UK, who embarked on their work by comparing different tissues, which included the brain, testis, heart, cervix and placenta.
‘From the total of 14,315 and 15,687 proteins that constitute the human brain and testis proteome, respectively, 13,442 are common to both tissues,’ the team wrote in the study.
To all the women who say men think with their dicks: Wrong, we think with our balls.
Dangler of the Week
Teen, 19, kills man who dangled penis at her while demanding sex
A 19-year-old woman killed a sex pest who dangled his penis at her, police said.
Tariro Matutsa has been charged with murder after repeatedly striking Sure Tsuro, 40, with a log until he could not walk. He died hours later at a neighbour’s home.
Police said at around 10AM on June 7, the young woman was alone at her home in Nyenda Villlage preparing rice for breakfast when Tsuro arrived.
“Tsuro proposed love to the accused person who turned him down. Tsuro went on to take a pot containing rice from the fireplace and threatened to throw it away in protest. He later withdrew his intention and brought it back to the fireplace before going away,” an internal police memo by the Member in Charge of Kotwa Police Post, seen by ZimLive, said.
At around 9PM, police said Tsuro returned to the Nyaguno homestead where Matutsa lived. She was once again alone and preparing meat for supper.
“Tsuro went on to propose love demanding consent for sexual intercourse from Matutsa. The accused person again turned him down. The now deceased went on to spill a boiling pot containing meat in protest. The accused picked up the pieces of meat from the ground and washed them with water,” the police memo said.
“Tsuro persisted, demanding to have sexual intercourse with Matutsa, and the accused person refused. Tsuro suddenly produced his erect penis and charged towards the accused person. The accused person took a glowing piece of firewood, extinguished it using water that was in a bucket at the fireplace, and assaulted the now deceased several times on the legs and hands.
“The accused person also assaulted the now deceased twice on the head using the same log. Tsuro staggered away from the fireplace and walked out of the yard. He fell to the ground 10 meters away in middle of a dirt road leading to Jumbe Business Centre.”
He tried to assault her with his wood and she bludgeoned him to death with her wood.
Glory of the Week
Austrian Man With Swastika-Tattooed Testicles Sentenced to 19 Months for Nazi Glorification Breach
An Austrian man was sentenced to 19 months in prison on Tuesday for breaking Austria’s anti-Nazi glorification laws by displaying a swastika tattooed on his scrotum, among other things, the Kronen Zeitung paper reported.
The man, who can’t be named due to Austria’s privacy laws, was accused of showing his private parts – after they’d reportedly been tattooed by his brother following a heavy drinking session – to his army colleagues on the last day of military exercises on 13 September 2019. The defendant was also allegedly caught posting Nazi propaganda online including photos with banned symbols from the Bunker Museum Wurzenpass, and seen drinking “Hitler wine.”
The man said in the court that he couldn’t “give a reasonable explanation for why he did it” but admitted that most of his actions were “nonsense.”
Drank too much Hitler wine, ended up with Nazi nuts.
Ass of the Week
Neo-Nazi student who carved swastika into girlfriend’s buttocks guilty of terror offences
Andrew Dymock told jurors “thank you for killing me” after he was found guilty of 15 charges at London’s Old Bailey.
The 24-year-old, convicted of crimes that took place in 2017 and 2018, promoted the extreme right-wing System Resistance Network (SRN) group, which aimed to “stir up a race war”, through a Twitter account and website, the court heard.
He used online platforms to raise money for the now-banned organisation, which “preached zero-tolerance” to non-whites, Jewish and Muslim communities and described homosexuality as a “disease”.
Police found a picture on one of his devices showing a swastika cut into his girlfriend’s behind and he told detectives in an interview in January 2019 he used his nail to scratch the symbol.
I don’t know if he was drinking Hitler wine but he deffinately nailed his girlfriend in the ass.
Cracker of the Week
North Carolina man tried to smuggle $4,000 worth of crack into jail in his anus
A Raleigh man arrested early Friday morning is facing additional charges after he was found to have about $4,000 worth of drugs in his anus, Wake County Sheriff Gerald Baker announced.
Rashaud Kawaun James Thompson, 36, was arrested by Raleigh police Friday and charged with assault on a female and communicating threats in connection with a June 9 domestic violence incident, Baker said.
Baker said Thompson was searched upon being brought into the Wake County Detention Center.
“We require arrestees to kind of squat and cough to make sure there’s nothing in any cavities that we need to know about,” Baker said. “Our detention officers spotted something that appeared to be inside his person.”
Baker said that Thompson refused to surrender the object that was in his “lower body cavity.”
Deputies got a warrant to search him for contraband.
He was taken to a hospital where an “examination of his person” yielded 20 grams of crack cocaine that was removed from his anus, Baker said.
Thompson’s additional charges are possession of a controlled substance on prison or jail premises, possession with intent to sell or deliver cocaine, and resisting a public officer.
In the jail shower, he was once again ordered to surrender the crack.
Blowback of the Week
A Donald Trump fan is in big trouble after he was busted for urinating and pooping in the yard of a Democratic neighbor.
Jerry Detrick, 70, was issued a misdemeanor citation for littering on Sunday after he was spotted defecating outside a home in Greenville, Ohio.
The Smoking Gun reports that Matthew Guyette, a neighbor, called 911 after seeing a man squatting and relieving himself near a hedge at Guyette’s home around 3:15am.
Investigators say Guyette confronted the man, later identified as Detrick, a former high school teacher, who simply got up and walked away.
Once the officer caught up with the man, he identified himself as Detrick. The officer then put the man in a police cruiser to discuss the incident.
Detrick initially claimed that he walked past Guyette’s home, but did not defecate on the property.
After further conversation, however, Detrick did cop to urinating in the yard of his neighbor, according to the police report.
After Detrick was released, he stated to the officer that he actually defecated in the same yard ‘multiple times’ in the past, according to the police report.
He claimed that he did so because he was a ‘Trump man’ and the neighbors are Democrats who support Joe Biden.
‘This leads me to believe this incident is politically motivated,’ the officer wrote in the police report.
After the 4-month shit Biden’s been taking on America, this seems only fair.
Explosion of the Week
The family, with two young children, has been finding faeces smeared across their path “several times a week”.
They installed security cameras worth £600 at the end of last year to try to catch the culprit and get the authorities to take action.
And finally, on Tuesday a man was videoed publicly defecating outside their home on Colbourne Road in Hove, East Sussex.
Footage taken in broad daylight at 8.25am shows the man empty his bowels before wiping himself with a sheet of toilet paper and discarding it on the floor.
The family suspects it is the same man who has been leaving “explosive diarrhoea” or “liquid poo” on their walkway for the past two years.
The mum, who wished to remain anonymous, told The Argus: “You’ll wake up and there would be poo as you are leaving the house.
“Then you’ll see his token piece of toilet paper, it’s like a calling card.”
“I bought flowers as I thought he would stop if it looked nice in the area. In fact, he just s**t on the flowers.”
The mum said she sends messages to all her neighbours warning them to “be careful, there’s loads of s**t out there”.
Are they Biden supporters?
Cure of the Week
Guyanese farmer arrested for having sex with a cow
Authorities in the Caribbean nation of Guyana on Monday apprehended a 57-year-old farmer after he was caught having sex with a cow, Guyana Chronicle reported. After his arrest, the suspect told investigators that besides committing the bestial act on the cow, he had also had sex with four other calves.
The farmer, a resident of Essequibo Coast, was reportedly caught committing the act by other cattle farmers. He was subsequently reported to the police. During interrogation, the farmer told investigators he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and a doctor advised him to have sex with animals for healing.
Humans having sex with animals is called bestiality. It is used interchangeably with zoophilia, people who have a desire to form sexual relationships with animals. Cows, dogs, donkeys, sheep, and even chickens are the most common animals involved.
In a recent study, people who have sex with animals said they do so largely because of the smell and appearance of the genitals of the animals. According to the study’s authors, “the more wet, hairy, and smelly, the more attractive the animal is for zoosexuals.”
Did it cure his prostrate cancer?
Mug of the Week
‘Meth is bad’: Wapello officer injured during high speed chase with wanted sex offender
The Wapello Police Department in Muscatine County has a simple message for everyone following a high-speed chase and arrest that injured an officer this week: ‘METH IS BAD.’ That is how the department concluded its press release announcing the arrest of Timothy Dickinson on its Facebook page.
According to the post, a Wapello police officer tried to stop Dickinson for multiple traffic violations. Dickinson allegedly put his car in reverse and slammed into the officer’s vehicle then sped away. Wapello officers and deputies from the Muscatine and Louisa County Sheriffs’ Offices and Iowa DOT officers all joined the chase that reached speeds topping 110 mph. During the chase both Dickinson and a female passenger allegedly threw full bottles of soda at pursuing police vehicles.
The chase reportedly came to an end when Dickinson tried to elude ‘stop sticks’ in the road, lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a parked Muscatine County Sheriff’s Deputy’s car. The deputy suffered minor injuries in the crash.
Police say Dickinson tried running from them on foot after the crash and had to be subdued by multiple officers with tasers. When he was finally in custody, Dickinson told officers he was running due to multiple warrants for sex offender registry violations. He also told officers that he had swallowed 3.5 grams of methamphetamine. Another seven grams of meth was found in the vehicle. Both Dickinson and the passenger in his vehicle were given medical attention at the scene.
Just like Red Bull, meth gives you wiiiings!
Deuce of the Week
Florida man paid bum $100 to attack girlfriend, visited her in hospital, police say
A Florida man accused of paying $100 to a homeless man who slashed his girlfriend’s face also allegedly placed a GPS tracker on her car and drove the attacker to a parking garage outside her job for the ambush, then visited her in the hospital, according to newly released documents.
Orlando police arrested Alexis Colon Colon, 35, last month in connection with the attack after an unidentified assailant cut his girlfriend’s face twice as she was getting out of her car.
When officers went to interview the victim in the hospital, they found Colon Colon in the room.
The victim later privately told police she had discovered a GPS tracker planted on her car two weeks before the attack and that there had been prior incidents of domestic violence in the home – both documented and undocumented.
Officers checked out the parking garage’s surveillance video and spotted a gold Toyota Prius following the victim in and then leaving within minutes – immediately after the attack.
Investigators later tracked that vehicle down to a tow yard, where it was a rental vehicle, and found witnesses who led them to Colon Colon. One of them claimed to have been in the car during the attack.
The unidentified witness told officers that Colon Colon was his drug dealer, whom he knew under the alias “Joker.”
Colon Colon allegedly asked this witness for help finding someone who could “hurt” a female who had upset him, according to the affidavit. The witness said he couldn’t help, but said he was in the car when Colon Colon picked up an unidentified homeless man believed to be the slashing suspect.
The witness told police that Colon Colon told this man he wanted him to “hurt” a woman who worked in Downtown Orlando and drove to the parking garage. He allegedly paid the man $100.
They discussed how to “send a message” to the victim and mentioned cutting her face, according to the affidavit.
The result left her with “severe cuts and slices to her face” after the homeless man sprang upon her in the driver’s seat of her car in a parking space outside her job. She had opened the door, then turned her back to grab her purse out of the passenger-side seat.
“This crime happened at the direction of Colon Colon,” the affidavit alleges.
It’s not a coincidence that someone named “Colon Colon” is a double-asshole.
Gift of the Week
Woman with the world’s longest eyelash breaks own record
You Jianxia (China) has held the record for the longest eyelash since 28 June 2016.
At that time, her eyelash measured 12.4 cm (4.88 in) and could be found on the upper eyelid of her left eye.
However, You Jianxia’s eyelashes continued to grow over the years, and on 20 May 2021, it was confirmed that the new longest eyelash was 20.5 cm (8.0 in).
All of You Jianxia’s eyelashes are particularly long, but again, the longest eyelash of them all was found on the upper eyelid of her left eye.
“I first realized that my eyelashes were growing in 2015. They continue to grow slowly, becoming longer and longer,” she explained.
“I did visit medical professionals to find out why my eyelashes are longer than others people’s eyelashes. The doctor couldn’t explain this, and he felt it was really amazing.
“I also tried to find scientific reasons such as genes or something else. However, none of my family have long eyelashes like me, so it can’t be explained.”
You Jianxia believes her long eyelashes may be down to divine intervention as opposed to a scientific reason.
“I kept thinking about why I have such long eyelashes, then I remembered that I had spent over 480 days in the mountain, years ago.”
“So, I told myself that my eyelashes must be a gift given by the Buddha.”
Whatever the reason was for You Jianxia’s long eyelashes, she believes the record-breaking feature gives her strength.
She would clearly lose any cat-fight involving hair pulling.
Buzz of the Week
Police investigate after Pownal man shoots himself in hand
A Pownal man faces charges after he shot himself in the hand and then lied about it to the police.
Vermont State Police say they were notified about a shooting on Sunday after John Wallner, 34, of Pownal, was treated at an Amsterdam, New York, hospital for a gunshot wound to his hand.
Wallner initially claimed he was shot in New York, but then said he was shot in Pownal, near Barber Pond. He also claimed he didn’t realize he was wounded, thinking it was possibly a bee sting. Police say Wallner lied several times about the incident before finally admitting he shot himself while cleaning his gun.
At this time, it’s believed the shooting did not occur in Vermont, but police continue to investigate. Wallner faces charges of giving false information to law enforcement.
He should have said it was a murder hornet. It would have been way more believable.
Furry of the Week
Women in Animal Onesies Wanted for Shoplifting in Stafford County
Deputies are searching for two women wanted for allegedly shoplifting from several stores while wearing “pajamas and animal onesies” in Stafford County, the sheriff’s office said.
The women are both wanted for shoplifting at a Walmart on Feb. 7, after a loss prevention employee reported them. They were featured in a Facebook post as the Stafford County Sheriff’s Office’s #WantedoftheWeek.
The deputy who arrived at the Walmart “located the two females and immediately suspected they were tied to several cases of shopliftings,” the post reads. “He was aware of security footage showing two females, matching their descriptions, wearing pajamas and animal onesies during multiple thefts.”
One of them has got to be furry female Beto O’Rourke.
Butt of the Week
Hospital patient dies after security guard performs surgery
A woman died after an ex-security guard at a Pakistani hospital posed as a doctor and performed surgery on her, police said Monday.
Shameema Begum, aged 80, died on Sunday, two weeks after Muhammad Waheed Butt attempted to treat her back wound at a public hospital in the eastern city of Lahore.
“We can’t keep up with what every doctor and what everyone is doing at all times. It’s a large hospital,” explained an administrative official from Lahore’s Mayo Hospital, who did not want to be named.
He said it was unclear what type of surgery the imposter had performed in the operating theatre, where a qualified technician was also present.
Pakistan’s public hospitals, where patients are required to pay some money towards treatment, can often be inefficient and chaotic.
Begum’s family paid Butt for the operation, and two further home visits to dress her wound.
But when the bleeding and pain worsened, her family returned her to the hospital, where they discovered what had happened.
“The guard has been charged and is in police custody,” Lahore police spokesman Ali Safdar told AFP.
“Butt had posed as a doctor and made home visits to other patients in the past also.”
He should have posed as a proctologist. It would have been way more believable.
Iceman of the Week
A drunk driver accused of killing a father of four appeared in court on Monday to face multiple charges following a hit-and-run in Davie last January.
Davie Police department said they responded to the scene near the intersection of State Road 7 and Griffin road after a crash on Monday, Jan. 18, just before midnight in which a car hit a pedestrian, according to News 6 partner WPLG.
According to Davie police, a man later identified as Pedro Moss, 27, was driving a white 2018 BMW X2, when detectives said he hit 45-year-old Joseph Nichols who was walking in the median.
Police said that Hollywood Rescue personnel arrived at the scene and as they were trying to remove Moss from the vehicle, one of the police officers heard the driver say, “Ya’ll chill, I’m just intoxicated.”
At the hospital, Moss’ blood was tested and was found to have a blood alcohol content of 0.244%. In Florida, it is illegal to drive with a .08% BAC (blood alcohol content) or higher.
One of the officers contacted Moss’ girlfriend who said that she had tracked his cell phone to Ghost Bar on South State Road 7 and showed up at the bar, she said, to confront him. That was when she told police she saw Moss drive away from the bar at a high rate of speed.
Data taken from the car’s electronic data retrieval showed that the vehicle was traveling at a speed of between 108 and 117 miles per hour 5 to 3.5 seconds before the crash. The speed limit on the roadway is 45 miles per hour.
I can’t tell if he’s trying to impersonate Mr. Freeze or Ted Kennedy.
Head Case of the Week
Man throws severed head at voting station in Mexico, authorities find hands
A man threw a severed head at a voting station in the Terrazas del Valle neighborhood of the Mexican border city of Tijuana on Sunday, local authorities said, as Mexicans were casting votes in midterm elections.
In one of the bloodiest election campaigns in Mexico’s recent history, security consultancy Etellekt said 91 politicians had been killed and attacks rose by 17.5% to 910 compared to the 2017-2018 election cycle.
Local authorities said the man tried to run away but did not specify whether he was captured. They said they also found plastic bags with human remains and severed hands nearby.
It was not immediately clear whether the violence was related to the election.
Security analysts said most electoral violence tends to occur at the municipal level, where gangs exert pressure to influence the outcome in the hope of securing more control over drug trafficking and other criminal rackets.
According to democrats, stopping people from throwing severed heads at the polls is voter suppression.
WTF? of the Week
Hartlepool’s monkey statue to be given ‘explanatory sign’ to avoid offending visitors
Council leaders in Hartlepool have decided a plaque must be placed on its famous monkey statue to explain its origins in case people are offended by it following the Black Lives Matter protests and scrutiny over statues.
The statue, at the town’s marina, was placed there to represent a tale about a monkey which was mistaken for a French spy in the Napoleonic War and subsequently hanged.
Legend states that the animal was the only survivor of a shipwreck off the northeast coast of England and because the villagers had never seen a monkey before, they mistook it for a Frenchman and convicted it of being a spy.
The Daily Telegraph has reported that a sign will be placed on the monument following conclusions in a report from June 2020 that it could be “misused by those with differing agendas to portray Hartlepool as unfriendly towards foreigners”.
The legacy of George Floyd keeps making the world a more fair and just place.
