It’s not WTF? that illegitimate president Joe Biden’s brain froze again this week. The WTF? comes from the fact that it’s becoming all too common for his mind to go blank. Here’s some other WTF? that hopefully doesn’t become normalized like Biden’s dementia:
Headline of the Week
‘Largest turd ever’ forces part of York pub to close
A ‘GIANT turd’ forced a popular York pub to shut part of the venue.
While establishments in the city have reported temporary closures due to staff testing positive for Covid-19 or being instructed to self-isolate after being alerted as a contact by the NHS Test and Trace system, The House of Trembling Madness has had other concerns.
The ale house which has venues on Stonegate and Lendal in the city apologised to customers via Twitter on Monday for the brief closure of its first floor at Lendal, saying they had had to deal with ‘the largest turd blockage we’ve ever had’.
Customers, it seems, were unperturbed by the disruption.
More like The House of Trembling Bowel Movements.
Pronoun of the Week
When Anita took her six-year-old daughter to a Los Angeles Korean spa last year, she went with an open mind and a desire to experience a different culture.
But she never expected to encounter a person with a beard and an exposed penis in the women-only hot tub.
She was so shocked to see what appeared to be a naked man confidently joining the women’s space, which included several small children, that she reported the incident to police, feeling her young daughter had been a victim of indecent exposure.
Last week Anita, who asked DailyMail.com to obscure her identity in fear of being ‘canceled’ and losing her job, was dismayed to come across a viral video alleging a similar incident at the spa.
The video sparked violent protests outside Wi Spa in Los Angeles last weekend – one side believing transgender rights were being threatened, the other wanting to protect the innocence of their children and the safety of women’s private spaces.
Anita, a millennial daughter of Latin immigrants, says she is a Democrat voter and a supporter of the queer community, but felt compelled to speak out about the thorny issue in an exclusive interview with DailyMail.com.
Anita described her January 2020 visit to the spa, which has a clothed section for both sexes, and separate sections for men and women with locker rooms, hot tubs, massage, relaxation and pampering rooms where patrons are traditionally unclothed.
Anita and her daughter put on face masks, ate snacks and hung out in the sauna. Then the little girl asked to swim in the hot tub.
‘Then these three people came and sat down on the edge of the hot tub. It was two women and what appeared 100% to be a man.
‘All three people were white. The two girls had tattoos and colored hair. I don’t like the whole race-baiting thing, but I would categorize them as the privileged, white, progressive-type people.
‘They came in with this air of entitlement. It was almost an aggressive attitude.
‘I’m trying really hard not to get in trouble calling the person with a penis a male, but the ‘guy’ was this skinny white guy with scraggly long hair and a beard. He had a five o’clock shadow on him, and his penis and scrotum hanging out.
I wonder if she’ll make the connection between voting for democrats and bathing with male scrotums.
Nuts of the Week
Baghdad hospital removes man’s testicles without consent
Ghazwan Abdulrazzaq, 58, had his testicles removed without his permission after he underwent what was supposed to be a hernia surgery.
Upon returning home from the hospital, his family realized that his testicles had been removed.
“I noticed that he was without testicles while I took him for a shower,” said Imad Abdulrazzaq, the brother and caretaker of Ghazwan.
“I called the physician’s clinic immediately. I spoke with the physician and asked him whether he had done the surgery for his hernia issue or for testicle removal,” the brother said.
The doctor responded that they had been removed due to “infections” that would endanger his life.
“It turned out that his testicles had moved upwards to his abdomen,” said Mustafa Salman, a physician at al-Zuhur hospital in Baghdad.
“The doctor signed for the surgery on behalf of the patient because he [Ghazwan] was psychologically unstable and that he was unable to sign or fingerprint,” explained Salman.
The impoverished family had hoped that a committee formed by the Iraqi parliament would investigate the issue.
They have not yet heard back from the hospital or the physician, despite filing a lawsuit.
What’s in your bag, dad? Nothing anymore.
Viper of the Week
Deadly python attacks man’s testicles while on the toilet
There’s nothing more satisfying than a visit to the loo first thing in the morning—for some, it’s a sacred and personal ritual that they simply cannot do without.
This 65-year-old Austrian man was looking forward to the same thing in his home in Graz, Austria. He sat down on his toilet to do his business, but soon realised he wasn’t alone. He felt a painful nip in his genital area and when he peered into the pot, he saw two creepy eyes glaring back at him—the eyes of a giant 5-foot python.
Turns out this wasn’t a wild python looking for refuge because these types of snakes aren’t usually found in Austria. This sneaky snake was actually a domesticated albino reticulated python that was trying to escape from the 24-year-old that lived next door.
The police suspect that the snake must have made his way into the toilet through the drain pipes.
After the man found the snake living in his toilet, he immediately called a reptile expert who then retrieved the snake, cleaned it, and returned it to the man next door. The snake-collector is now facing an investigation on ‘suspicion of causing bodily harm by negligence.’
Luckily the snake’s victim has suffered minor injuries and his testes will be making a full recovery.
That ain’t how you snake a drain.
Tripper of the Week
A stock market salesman who lost his $200,000-a-year job and moved into backpackers accommodation groped a fellow guest then masturbated in front of a family on a picnic while he was high on LSD.
A Gold Coast court has heard Samuel Nathan Sandford had gone to Budds Beach at Surfers Paradise with a group from the backpackers hostel on the afternoon of December 5 last year.
He put his hand under the shirt of a British backpacker who was part of the group and grabbed her breast, to which she said: ‘That is not okay. I can laugh at a lot of things but that is not okay,’ the Gold Coast Bulletin reports.
However, he grabbed her breast again and then her leg as she tried to push him off – prompting her friends to step in and pull her away from him.
She told the court after he then took off his pants and began to masturbate in front of a nearby family having a picnic, then kicked a passing car, damaged another car, and tried to climb a tree but fell out.
When police later arrived at the backpackers accommodation Sandford resisted arrest and was pepper sprayed.
Sandford’s defence lawyer said her client lost his $200,000-a-year job when his stockmarket sales firm shut down in 2020 and had to move into the backpackers.
She added he had also consumed LSD before his erratic behaviour at the beach.
He was literally tripping balls.
Dicks of the Week
Two arrested for selling animal genitalia over superstitious beliefs
Two men were arrested from Rewari on Tuesday for allegedly selling genitals of male monitor lizards and jackals over the last four months through social media, in collaboration with a few astrologers in Delhi-NCR, to people with superstitious beliefs, the police said. The monitor lizard is a protected species under the Indian Wildlife (Protection) Act of 1972.
The suspects were identified as Parveen Kumar and Mohit of Nangal Teju in Bawal of Rewari. The police said the team seized 30 pieces of hatha jodi(dried genitals of monitor lizard) and four pieces of siyar singi (jackal genitalia).
Is a table full of dicks good luck or bad luck?
Student of the Week
Promising Hull student cycled near schools to masturbate at women and children
A promising student has narrowly avoided jail after he was caught masturbating in the street near a Hull primary school.
On four occasions Ammar Chaudry rode his bicycle towards vulnerable women and young girls whilst holding and exposing his penis.
Hull Crown Court heard that the 23-year-old on one occasion stood in the middle of the street metres away from schoolchildren and dropped his tracksuit bottoms to the top of his legs and began masturbating.
He also pursued a 16-year-old schoolgirl in Ferriby weeks earlier, smiling at her as he rode around holding his penis.
Chaudry’s “sexually deviant behaviour” came to a halt on March 4 when an off-duty police officer was driving along Hull Road in Hessle with his wife and children.
As he looked in his rear view mirror he spotted a man on a bicycle with one hand on the bars and the other holding his penis.
“The man stopped and dropped his tracksuit bottoms to the top of his legs and began masturbating vigorously whilst looking left and right,” said prosecuting barrister Mehran Nassiri.
“Young children were just metres away walking past. The officer got out of his car and the defendant stopped masturbating.”
When arrested Chaudry asked the officer what would happen to him and asked if he could just be cautioned.
This promising student graduated Magna Cum Loudly.
Wake Up Call of the Week
Oklahoma woman says she woke up to four inches of feces in her Garden Square apartment
An Oklahoma woman said she woke up, ready to start her day only to find her Garden Square apartment unit covered in feces.
“I woke up to go to the restroom,” Francine McCullough said. “I stepped down and it’s right here on my legs.”
McCullough said she’s now left without furniture and clothes.
She said four inches of feces erupted from her bathroom toilet. It flooded the floors of her apartment.
The mess left a line on McCullough’s couch, and now she says most of her stuff is ruined.
KFOR spoke to one member of management, and he said it’s Oklahoma City’s problem.
KFOR contacted the city’s utility department about the issue.
“We’re investigating the issue. Generally, sewer backups are the responsibility of the property owner,” said Malarie Gotcher with the department.
“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard ball right now. I don’t know what to do,” said McCullough.
What a shitty place to be stuck.
Bait of the Week
Meth Pollution in Waterways Turns Trout Into Junkies
When humans dispose of trash or chemicals in waterways, our aquatic neighbors might regard that waste as food. In a new study published in the Journal of Experimental Biology, researchers tested the effect of methamphetamine, a common drug found in wastewater, on brown trout (Salmo trutta) by placing them in a water tank spiked with the drug. The outcome isn’t exactly surprising: Brown trout can get hooked on meth, too.
Meth use has skyrocketed in the United States and Europe in recent years, especially during the pandemic, reports Carrie Arnold for National Geographic. But meth isn’t completely absorbed when consumed, eventually exiting the body in excrement. In their current state, wastewater treatment plants aren’t equipped to remove this kind of contaminant. As a result, meth-laced sewage water released back into the environment still contains high levels of the substance.
“Where methamphetamine users are, there is also methamphetamine pollution of freshwaters,” writes study author Pavel Horký…
The team of researchers studied the effects of the drug on brown trout by replicating meth-polluted wastewater conditions in the lab. The researchers placed 60 trout in a water tank spiked with methamphetamine that matched the levels of discharge from wastewater treatment plants in Czechia and Slovakia. The trout were forced to quit cold turkey after two months of swimming in meth-y waters. These trout moved around less than the clean trout—a sign of withdrawal, according to the researchers. Horký’s team also found traces of meth in the trout’s brains up to ten days after the exposure.
The researchers also gave meth-doped trout and clean trout the option of entering either a stream contaminated with meth or another without. Compared to the clean trout, meth-exposed trout preferred to return to the stream with the drug, which the researchers inferred as a sign of addiction.
I know what I’m using for bait next time I go trout fishing.
Myth Buster of the Week
Northeast Missouri man accidentally shoots himself while fishing
A northeast Missouri man is hospitalized after accidentally shooting himself while fishing.
It happened around 3 p.m. Monday on a farm east of Lancaster, Missouri.
Schuyler County Sheriff Joe Wuebker told KTVO the victim is Derek Shaw, 33, of Memphis, Missouri.
The sheriff said Shaw was fishing alone on a family member’s farm when the shooting happened.
Shaw told investigators he was messing around with his .357 magnum when it accidentally discharged.
The bullet from the handgun struck Shaw in the upper left chest area.
He was able to call 911.
Shaw was flown from the scene to University Hospital in Columbia, Missouri, for treatment.
A hospital spokesman told KTVO on Wednesday that Shaw was listed in fair condition.
Apparently shooting fish in a barrel isn’t as easy as they make it out to be.
Chug of the Week
Herd of drunk buffaloes exposes illegal liquor stash
Tipsy buffaloes blew the cover of an illegal liquor stash in India, after getting drunk from water held in a trough that also hid bottles of moonshine.
Police seized a total of 101 bottles of the potent booze from the buffaloes’ stable and arrested three farmers for the illegal selling of alcohol in the dry state of Gujarat, reported The Times of India.
One of the farmers had called a vet when the buffaloes stopped eating and purportedly started frothing at the mouth.
The following day, when the same buffaloes began vigorously jumping around their stable, the farmers felt compelled to call out another vet.
This second veterinarian noticed a strange smell coming from the buffaloes’ trough, and discovered that the water inside had turned a curious shade of yellow. The farmers claimed the colour was from branches that had fallen into the water, but the savvy vet reported them to the authorities.
When local police raided the stable, they found bottles of vodka, whiskey, and other liquor worth around US$430 hidden underneath some fodder in the animals’ trough.
“They probably drank the water laced with liquor from the damaged liquor bottles,” the police told The Times of India, adding that the buffaloes have since recovered from their drunken ordeal, having suffered little more than a hangover.
In America the Indians get drunk and the buffalos get clipped.
Genius of the Week
Man severely injured after trying to launch firework from his groin, Pocono cops say
A Pennsylvania man was severely injured after trying to launch a firework from his groin on July 4th, Pocono Mountain Regional Police Department report.
Police were called a little before 10:30 p.m. Sunday to assist an ambulance called for a firework-related injury with heavy bleeding at a home on Summit Drive in Mount Pocono.
Police said there was a “large gathering at the home,” and aerial fireworks were being discharged as officers arrived.
Antonio Giannelli was inside the house, and had suffered injuries and burns after he attempted to launch a rocket from his groin, police said.
Police said the 37-year-old from Wilkes-Barre was flown by medical helicopter to a local hospital for treatment.
Giannelli faces a citation for discharging fireworks in violation of a Mount Pocono firework ordinances, the department said.
Seems like the butt would be better for launching rockets but what do I know?
Justice of the Week
Victim reacts after axe-wielding suspect seen breaking into apartment is freed with no charges
A 46-year-old man was arrested for breaking into an occupied Capitol Hill apartment armed with an axe, a hatchet and a spiked glove was released from jail without charges Monday — after state case workers concluded he is incompetent and unable to defend himself in court.
Stanley Dion Red, 46, who has a long criminal history, and a history of treatment for mental illnesses, was captured on video climbing onto the balcony of a Capitol Hill apartment complex on June 17th. According to Henry Stelter, the tenant who was working from home at the time, Red entered the apartment and directly approached him.
“I went back, and I grabbed my pistol,” Stelter told KIRO-7 News. “At that point he’d seen me, and he started walking down the hallway towards me and he started reaching for the axe on his back. He also had a glove that had a metal spike sticking out the front of it.”
Stelter said Red was speaking unintelligibly, offering to “buy the apartment,” and cursing at him.
“I just kept telling him he needs to get out get out. He was saying all sorts of random things that I couldn’t really make out,” Stelter said. “I slowly backed him down.”
At gunpoint, Red climbed back down off the balcony into the alley, and minutes later SPD officers moved in and arrested him for criminal trespassing. But today, more than two weeks later, Henry was informed Stanley Red was released — with no charges at all.
“It is definitely very worrying that he could just show up right now,” Stelter said. “He showed up in broad daylight last time. Who knows what could happen now?”
Maybe you should have shot him.
One-Hit Wonder of the Week
Man hit co-worker’s head with mallet for appearing nude at farm
Angered with a co-worker who kept appearing nude at a fish farm where they worked, a man hit his colleague on the head with a mallet.
Saw Paing Soe Thu, 35, was jailed for a year and a month on Tuesday (6 July), after he pleaded guilty to one count of voluntarily causing hurt with a dangerous weapon.
The Myanmar national and his 38-year-old compatriot Aung Win Htut worked on a fish farm located at sea near Lim Chu Kang.
About one to two months before the incident, Aung Win Htut walked around the fish farm nude, prompting Saw Paing Soe Thu to tell him not to walk around naked.
Things came to a head on 9 April this year, when Aung Win Htut emerged from a shower without clothes at around 6pm. Saw Paing Soe Thu was cooking when his co-worker walked to the cooking area to turn off the fire heating his kettle.
Saw Paing Soe Thu was cooking on the stove when Aung Win Htut appeared behind him naked. Uneasy, Saw Paing Soe Thu scolded his co-worker and was angry at his colleague for being in the nude.
A while later, Saw Paing Soe Thu consumed half a bottle of rice wine. At about 9.40pm that day, the intoxicated man felt furious, as his co-worker repeatedly appeared naked. He took a mallet – usually used to kill fishes – from the storage area and approached Aung Win Htut, who was talking on the phone.
Saw Paing Soe Thu then hit the victim on the forehead with the mallet. The victim fell to the ground and bled from his forehead. He contacted the owner of the fish farm for help and the latter called the police located at the Police Coast Guard at Lim Chu Kang Regional Base.
Nothing drives home a point like a mallet.
Ride Share of the Week
A NATION CONCEIVED IN LIBERTY CONFRONTS ITS QUEASINESS WITH THE “MILF MOBILE”
Brittany Glidden drives Maine’s most beloved vehicle. It’s a 2013 teal Chrysler Town & Country minivan. An enormous custom-made “MILF Mobile” logo is plastered on its rear windshield.
“Everyone loves my van, except for Karens,” Glidden said, referring to a pejorative term for entitled white women. “Karens hate it.”
Glidden’s ride also sports “Kids in this bitch, honk if one falls out,” “If you’re gonna ride my ass, at least pull my hair,” and “Condoms prevent minivans” stickers. A “TITSOUT” vanity plate is latched to the MILF Mobile’s bumper.
“The plate references the fact that I exclusively breastfed all four of my children,” Glidden said. “And that I frequently drive topless. Maine is in fact a topless state.”
The MILF Mobile’s local fame hasn’t come without opposition. Each viral post on Maine Facebook featuring the mid-2000s whip is swarmed with replies demanding that Glidden “grow up” and rethink her van’s controversial design. And unfortunately, state lawmakers have been listening to the internet haters.
On January 19, a new bill aimed at banning “vulgar and obscene” vanity plates was introduced by state Sen. William Diamond, D-Windham.
“I’m no prude or interested in letting Big Brother run our lives, but what we are now allowing has gone way beyond the original intent of the vanity plate program,” Diamond said. “This is not an attempt to implement strict puritan guidelines. … There are plenty of opportunities for free speech.”
Democrats have a real problem with free speech. Also MILFs.
Cook of the Week
A man who burned his house down after trying to cook a steak in a toaster has complained his $400,000 insurance payout isn’t going to cut it.
The New Zealand man caused severe fire damage to the home he shares with his partner after making the ill-advised decision to forgo the use of a frying pan.
He left the slab of meat cooking in the toaster while he ducked out to buy chips from a local takeaway shop, returning to find his home ablaze.
After lodging a request with his insurance company, the man was disappointed to discover his policy wasn’t going to dish out as much as he had hoped.
The company paid $418,000 for the severe fire damage on the home, the maximum that could be paid under the couple’s policy…
Unsatisfied with this amount, the couple argued it wasn’t sufficient to rebuild their home and asked the insurer to pay them out a further $200,000.
He should be thankful there’s no stupidity clause in his policy.
Parents of the Week
Two charged after 2-year-old points semi-automatic at New Haven detectives
Two people were taken into custody after police say a 2-year-old pointed a handgun at police.
It happened around 5:30 a.m. on June 25 on Dayton Street.
Police say they had been conducting an investigation on the second floor of the building when a child found the firearm unattended on a bed.
The firearm had a red laser attached to it.
Officers were able to secure the firearm without further incident.
The Department of Children and Families was notified and responded to the scene.
Police arrested Joshua Talton and Wanesha Dawson as a result of the investigation.
Both are facing a slew of charges, including risk of injury to a minor and possession of a controlled substance with the intent to sell.
It’s never too earlier to teach kids how to safely interact with law enforcement.
WTF? of the Week
Danny Trejo recalls Charles Manson hypnotizing him in jail
Danny Trejo had a bizarre encounter with the most infamous prisoner of all time.
In his new memoir “Trejo,” the “Machete” star, 77, writes of meeting — and being hypnotized by — Charles Manson in 1961 while they were both locked up in the Los Angeles County Jail.
Trejo remembers that a “greasy, dirty, scrawny” Manson was “so poor, he didn’t have a belt, and instead used a piece of string to keep his pants up.”
The “Heat” star says he felt sorry at the time for Manson, who was so small, he needed protection. A couple of days after they met, the notorious criminal told Trejo and his pals that he had hypnotic powers and “could get us high.”
“It was like a guided meditation,” the “Spy Kids” star recalls in his book, which details his incredible life story, from being a teenage heroin addict in and out of prison to a beloved character actor who has appeared in dozens of movies and TV shows.
Manson first talked the group into thinking they were smoking weed and then heroin.
“By the time he described it hitting my bloodstream, I felt the warmth flowing through my body,” Trejo remembers. “If that white boy wasn’t a career criminal, he could have been a professional hypnotist.”
You meet the nicest people in LA County Jail.
