Joe Biden’s illegitimate presidency finally imploded this week, which is only WTF? in the sense that it took this long. Here’s some WTF? with better timing:
Headline of the Week
Female Dolphins Have a Fully Functional Clitoris
Like humans, female bottlenose dolphins experience sexual pleasure through their clitoris, according to new study in Current Biology.
Study author Patricia Brennan, an evolutionary biologist at Mount Holyoke College, examined 11 clitorises from adults, juveniles and calves of naturally deceased dolphins under the microscope and using CT scans. She found several signs that the clitorises were fully functional.
Clitoral erectile tissue in dolphins has inflatable spaces that are similar to humans. In humans, blood rushes to these spaces upon stimulation, making the clitoris swell. In the video abstract, Brennan says this seems to be the case for dolphins as well. The shape of the female dolphin’s erectile tissue changes with maturity, suggesting it becomes functional with age.
I was going to say this smells a little fishy but dolphins are mammals.
Nut of the Week
I removed my second testicle to kill sexual urge – UI 500-level medicine dropout
Forty-four-year-old Terhemen Anongo, who dropped out of the University of Ibadan as a 500-level medical student, says he has castrated his second testicle.
The PUNCH had in March 2021 reported the story of Anongo, who became a cart pusher after dropping out of school and removed one of his testicles. Several people, including his classmates at UI, supported him after the report.
On why he removed the testicle, he had said, “You know how the issue of sexual urge torments one when you don’t have a wife, coupled with your religious beliefs. I am someone deeply involved in religion and I read about Origen Adamantius, one of the early church leaders from Egypt, who paid to be castrated so that he would not be bothered by sexual urge.
“It was in an attempt to do the same thing that I removed my right testicle but there was a heavy flow of blood, so I abandoned it (castration) and rushed to hospital.”
Speaking with our correspondent on the telephone on Sunday, Anongo said he decided to remove the second testicle because of his religious beliefs.
He said, “Yes, I went to remove the second testicle based on religious belief.
When asked the day he removed the testicle, he said, “I removed it on Monday. The first one had little hitches but this one, having learnt from that experience, I did (remove) it very well.
It takes balls to take off your own balls.
Shrinkage of the Week
Man claims his penis shrank 1.5 inches, ‘COVID d – – k is real’ say docs
As if contracting COVID wasn’t bad enough, a dismayed man now claims that he’s lost a whopping 1.5 inches from the length of his penis as a lingering result of the vile virus.
“My penis has shrunk,” lamented the griping guy in a letter to the “How To Do It” podcast this week.
“I’m a heterosexual man in my 30s,” he said, anonymously — only referring to himself as “coming up short.”
“In July of last year, I contracted COVID and was very sick. When I got out of the hospital, I had some erectile dysfunction issues,” he added.
“[The erectile dysfunction] gradually got better with some medical attention, but I seemed to be left with a lasting problem,” he confessed. “Before I got sick [my penis] was above average. Not huge, but definitely bigger than normal. Now I’ve lost about an inch and a half and become decidedly less than average.”
He claimed that a medical adviser had attributed his pecker problems to vascular damage caused by COVID, and was warned that the impairment was likely permanent.
In response to the dude’s desperate plea for penis help, Dr. Charles Welliver — a urologist and Director of Men’s Health at Albany Medical College, NY — confirmed the rare, but real havoc COVID can wreak on a man’s unmentionables.
The doctor went on to cite studies that have shown cases of men who’ve suffered from priapism — the persistent erection prompted sans sexual arousal — and erectile dysfunction (ED) after contracting COVID.
When guys get ED, they get a lack of erections for a while, and when that happens they actually do get some shrinkage,” he added.
And his commentary on miniaturized members was backed by Dr. Ashley Winter, a urologist in Oregon, who insisted: “COVID d – – k is a real thing.”
Do they make an N95 mask for your dick?
Bugger of the Week
Man thought he had water in his ear for days, turns out it was a cockroach
It may sound like an urban legend that a cockroach can get stuck in your ear, but it happened to a New Zealand man.
40-year-old Zane Wedding first noticed his ear was blocked after swimming in an Auckland public pool.
He went to the doctor the next day, and was told it was just water.
He followed the advice he was given to blow hot air from a hair dryer in his ear.
Wedding says he could still hear water moving in his ear, so he booked an appointment with a specialist a few days later.
That doctor could tell immediately there was a bug in his ear canal.
The cockroach was dead at that point, and the doctor got it out in less than five minutes.
“I realized I had just spent a weekend cooking a cockroach in my head with a hairdryer,” Wedding said. “It made me feel sick instantly.”
Do they make an N95 mask for your ear?
Pro Boner of the Week
Grand Rapids Attorney Arrested, Arraigned on Charges of Sexual Criminal Conduct
A Grand Rapids attorney charged with five counts of criminal sexual conduct was arrested and arraigned today on five counts of criminal sexual conduct.
According to court records, Jesse Powell, 32, missed his initial court appearance on Monday resulting in a warrant being issued for his arrest.
Powell is accused of sexually assaulting a client multiple times.
According to the criminal complaint, a former female client reported to police that the first incident happened during a mediation meeting in March 2021.
Court documents state the client was nervous prior to the meeting and Powell gave her a hug. During this hug, he pressed himself against her and she could feel his genitals.
She told investigators that after the hug she excused herself to the restroom. When trying to shut the door to the bathroom Powell stood in the doorway and allegedly told her “she could go to the bathroom in front of him.”
The client states she refused to do so and stood there for a short time until Powell walked away.
When leaving the restroom Powell allegedly told her “he wanted to see her breasts” and “she should have come out of the bathroom with less clothes on.”
During another incident later in March, the client told investigators that Powell pulled her in for a hug and placed his hands on her breasts over her clothes.
According to the complaint, the most serious alleged incident took place in June 2021.
The former client states that on this date she went to Powell’s office where he pushed her into the bathroom against the sink and raped her. In court documents, she told investigators he “was much bigger than her and intimidating. She stated that she froze.”
Another incident she recalled to police was in July 2021. She had gone to Powell’s office to drop off paperwork for a pretrial when he groped and tried to kiss her while making sexual comments to her.
The complaint states the last meeting she had with Powell was in August 2021. She states she went to his office for a pretrial meeting and while she was in the bathroom Powell walked in and took out his genitals.
She alleges that he pressed himself up against her from behind and put his hand over her throat. “He then pulled his hand away and slapped her on the buttocks twice with his hand,” the complaint states.
She met with him twice after he raped her? Learn to read the red flags, lady.
Sacre Bleu of the Week
France moves to ban incest for the first time since the French Revolution
France is finally catching up with other European countries as its government has announced plans to ban incest for the first time since 1791.
Adrien Taquet, France’s secretary of state for child protection, said the government is moving to make incest outright illegal as it is currently only banned when a child, in this case considered anyone under 18, is involved.
Mr Taquet said in an interview with AFP: “Whatever the age, you don’t have sexual relations with your father, your son or your daughter.
“It is not a question of age, it is not a question of consenting adults. We are fighting against incest. The signals must be clear.”
Under the new legislation, cousins would still be allowed to get married but it is yet to be confirmed whether the ban would extend to stepfamilies.
I noticed Mr. Taquet didn’t say it was wrong to have sex with your mother.
Meth Head of the Week
Police have been searching for Julia Dardar, 36, since her estranged husband Michael Dardar reported her missing last month, and have been in close contact with her boyfriend Benjamin Beale, 34, NOLA reports.
After reporting his wife missing, Michael Dardar told NOLA that he learned that his estranged wife and Beale went to California to pick up a school bus in December. It was in that school bus that investigators say they found the dismembered body on Tuesday.
“The headless torso of what appeared to be an adult human female,” was located in a freezer aboard the bus, according to court documents obtained by Fox News. The victim seemed to have suffered deep cuts that “appeared to have been inflicted post-mortem.”
In a nearby Coleman ice chest, investigators noted that they located a saw “which appeared to have bits of flesh and fluid on the blade.” The court documents also alleged that there was a meth lab and illegal weapons at the scene.
Beale is currently being held on a $450,000 bond on an obstruction of justice charge as well as charges for alleged distribution of meth and marijuana, illegal weapons possession and running a “clandestine drug lab,” according to online jail records.
When you’re on meth, getting head from your girlfriend is a whole different thing.
Parents of the Week
Indonesian parents keeps daughter’s corpse for two months in hopes she will come back alive
An Indonesian couple from Central Java have shocked social media after keeping the corpse of their daughter in their house in hopes that she would rise from the dead.
Tribun Jakarta reported that the parents kept the corpse in the house for over two months and believed she would come back alive after following some rituals.
This was because the parents were in denial and were not able to cope with the tragic news that their daughter was not alive anymore.
It is reported that the 14-year-old daughter had suffered and died from tuberculosis (TB).
Detik News reported that the corpse was wrapped up in cloth and kept in a room secluded from the other rooms in the house.
Villagers and neighbours of Central Java’s Pemalang town then reported the incident to the police officers as most were afraid to visit the house after hearing about the corpse and the rituals performed at home.
Spiritual leaders including a prominent state preacher Ustaz Zaenuri and police officers then came to the house to speak to the parents about the need to immediately bury corpses under the Islamic burial laws.
The parents, who were then convinced by what the spiritual leaders had to say, then agreed to bury their daughter at a cemetery near their house on January 9.
That’s one crazy as hell intervention.
Felony of the Week
Two Florida Women Attack Man With Glitter, Face Felony Charges
Two women are facing felony charges for throwing containers of glitter at a Florida man and breaking into his Pinellas County apartment.
Kaitlin O’Donovan, 27, and Sarah Franks, 24, arrived at the man’s Clearwater apartment shortly before 3 a.m. Monday, according to an arrest affidavit. The pair began arguing with the man on Fairwood Avenue as he was standing on his fenced-in balcony.
The argument escalated and both women started throwing containers of glitter at the man, “striking him in the upper torso and head.” The nature of the argument was unknown.
Franks then climbed over the balcony fence and started striking the man with more containers of glitter, according to the affidavit.
Franks then unlocked the man’s front door so O’Donovan could enter the apartment. More glitter was thrown at the man and Franks fled the apartment in her car.
Authorities eventually traced Franks’ vehicle back to her Seville Boulevard home. Police said glitter was observed inside the vehicle and the car was “still warm to the touch.”
The arrest affidavit also said Franks broke a window as she was leaving the apartment, leading to an extra misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief.
Both women were arrested and are facing charges of felony burglary with assault or battery.
Why did they have so much f*cking glitter?
Flip of the Week
‘Rude’ pelican snapped flipping the bird at shocked photographer
A rude pelican has been snapped appearing to swear at a photographer.
Amateur snapper, Austin Thomas, 55, has been travelling around the world taking stunning pictures of wildlife since 2007, when he bought his first camera.
He managed to capture his latest incredible image during a recent trip to Greece, where he spotted a Dalmatian pelican at Lake Kerkini in the region of Macedonia.
The 55-year-old from Rainford in Merseyside, explained: “The lake was frozen and covered in snow so when it was landing its feet slipped and just as humans would throw their arms out to try and regain some balance, it did the same with its wings.
“Because of this in this photo it looks like the feathers at the end of its wings were giving a fingered salute of some description my way.
And they say roosters are cocks.
Muncher of the Week
Cannibal serial killer who ‘ate eyes and ears of victims’ finally captured by cops
Police officers in Brazil have arrested a serial killer who allegedly drank his victims’ blood and ate their eyes and ears after killing them.
Military Police (Brazil’s preventive police force) officers captured Djalma Campos Figueiredo, 46, in the city of Cuiaba in Brazillian state Mato Grosso on Wednesday, January 12.
He had already been sentenced by the Court of Justice of Rondonia in the city of Porto Velho to 42 years in prison for several counts of aggravated murder.
An arrest warrant for a pending sentence of 26 years and four months in prison was issued against him on September 30 last year.
According to the Civil Police (Brazil’s investigative police force), the man would eat his victims’ eyes and ears and drink their blood after killing them
His crimes took place in and around the city of Ji-Parana, in the state of Rondonia.
It is not clear how many victims the man had, though the widely accepted definition of a “serial killer” is someone who has killed three or more people.
He’s the eyes and ears of Brazil.
WTFart? of the Week
Homeowner fuming as ‘phantom farter’ lets rip on doorbell footage
A homeowner has been left furious and disgusted after a mysterious man has been conducting ‘farts and runs’ on her property.
The anonymous resident from Wigston, Leicestershire, posted a video on the Spotted Wigston Facebook page of the man putting his fact next to her doorbell camera, before breaking wind, smiling and nodding, Leicestershire Live reports.
The post was accompanied by a caption that read: “This man keeps going to my ring doorbell and farting and it’s really unpleasant. Please own up”.
Fart knocker?
WTYuck? of the Week
Wendy Williams was having a particularly rough time last May, new reports reveal. According to Yahoo Life, while filming The Wendy Williams Show from her home as the COVID-19 pandemic was peaking, the 57-year-old had too much to drink and “began stripping down and touching herself in an inappropriate way” in front of concerned bystanders.
The article notes that the mother of one previously spent some time at a sober house in 2019, but when her team noticed her unusual behaviour the next year, they called her manager to come to check on her. Upon arrival, they found an intoxicated Williams, who, after putting on quite the show for onlookers, left them with no option but to call 911.
After the call was made, the New Jersey-born broadcaster allegedly became even more belligerent and was ultimately “hospitalized for weeks” as her show went on hiatus. At the time of her hospitalization, a statement was released claiming that it was due to complications with her Graves’ disease.
“Recently, Wendy has been dealing with symptoms from her Graves’ disease which is causing fatigue. In consultation with her doctor and as a precautionary measure, she will be taking some time off as she continues to receive treatment,” it explained.
She was digging something down there but I don’t think it was a grave.
WTF*ck? of the Week
After-school ‘Satan club’ in Illinois district elicits ‘concern,’ superintendent response
Elementary schoolchildren in Moline, Illinois, have been invited this week to an “after-school Satan club” with five different meeting dates planned for early this year — starting Thursday, Jan. 13, 2022 — according to flyers placed in the school’s lobby and shared on social media.
Some parents are angry about their children’s exposure to information about the club, apparently prompting the superintendent of schools to weigh in. The Satanic Temple says on its website that it operates the clubs “at select public schools where Good News Clubs also operate.”
Given the “mounting concerns and questions” about the “Satan club” flyer that was made available to students at Jane Addams Elementary School in Moline, Illinois, Dr. Rachel Savage of Moline-Coal Valley Schools wrote a letter to parents, which was shared online.
“I wanted to take a moment and share some additional information regarding the after-school club you may have heard about,” she wrote. “I know there are many mounting concerns and questions. I hear you and I understand.”
She made the following point as well: “A parent from within our district reached out to the national after-school satan club, informing them that Jane Addams Elementary School, in Moline, offers a child evangelism fellowship club and asked that they bring their program to that school as well, to offer parents a choice of different viewpoints.”
It’s still better than Critical Race Theory.
