For the second week in a row, Joe Biden has found a WTF? way to keep the conversation off of his disastrous presidency. Here’s some other WTF? distractions:
Headline of the Week
Thailand Cafe Selling Drinks in ‘Penis Bags’ Discontinues Due to ‘Sensitive’ Reasons
A cafe in Songkhla, Thailand, stirred quite a buzz when its “packaged” drinks went viral on social media. What can be considered a witty marketing strategy, no matter how juvenile it seems, a café named Chadeen, served drinks in plastic bags shaped like penis at one of its ends.
Pictures of the bags were first shared by the cafe on Facebook, which slowly spread across other social media platforms and brought the café in the public eye. Now, the café has announced that it will be discontinuing the bags shaped like a penis due to “sensitive reasons.”
In a Facebook post, the café apologised to the public for the bags and said that they will no longer be serving their drinks in them. The post translated in English read, “We have to apologise to all customers. We will not sell the (penis) bag anymore. It involves many sensitive issues. Thank you everyone for all your interest and support.”
Only an insensitive dick would serve drinks in a bag in the first place.
Dick of the Week
Archaeologist digs up 1,800-year-old slab near Hadrian’s Wall carved with penis graffiti
An amateur archaeologist was left cock-a-hoop, and a little red-faced, after unearthing an old Roman insult near Hadrian’s Wall.
Retired biochemist Dylan Herbert dug up a slab of rock, measuring around 40cm x 15cm, at the auxiliary fort of Vindolanda near Hexham that not only had a crude picture of a penis carved on it, but also a rather rude inscription, too.
Above the phallic symbol, which was often used in Roman times as a sign ff good luck or fertility, were scrawled the words ‘secvndinvs cacor’ which translates as ‘Secundinus the sh*tter’.
Dr Andrew Birley, director of excavations and chief executive of the Vindolanda Trust, said of the amazing graffiti find: “Its author clearly had a big problem with Secundinus and was confident enough to announce their thoughts publicly on a stone.
“I have no doubt that they would have been less than amused to see this.
“The recovery of an inscription, a direct message from the past, is always a great event on a Roman excavation, but this one really raised our eyebrows when we deciphered the message.
“It shows something as childish as graffiti was going on back then and hopefully we will now find a response from Secundinus.”
Secundinus may have been a shitter but he was rock hard.
Tricky Dick of the Week
Trans man convicted after ‘tricking three women into sexual relationships with fake penis’
Tarjit Singh, 32, was born a female named Hannah Walters but now identifies as a man. He had abusive relationships with each of his three victims, with whom he would wear clothes during sex and use a prosthetic penis in the dark, between June 2010 and March 2016.
Singh became abusive and manipulative once the victims began to ask questions, and told one of them there was more to a relationship than sex and that she should learn to talk about her feelings more.
Singh was convicted of three counts of assault by penetration, six counts of assault occasioning actual bodily harm, and one count of making a threat to kill.
Describing the sexual contact at a trial at Snaresbrook Crown Court in east London on Wednesday, one victim said she only discovered Singh had female genitalia after finding his strap-on prosthetic penis some months into their relationship.
She said: “He looked like a guy, he acted like a guy.”
She told police officers that she felt so stupid that she had fallen for such lies.
Plus his vagina was very manly.
Ride of the Week
Man arrested for trying to cut off taxi driver’s genitals
A man is being held in police custody in Chimoio, central Mozambique, after admitting attempting to sever a taxi driver’s genitals.
The suspect told officers he posed as a customer to lure the taxi driver to a forest, where together with an accomplice, they assaulted the victim using blunt objects.
The unnamed suspect says he is remorseful and intends to help police to track down his partner who is on the run.
It’s not known why the taxi driver was targeted, but bald men have in the past been targeted by people seeking to use their body parts for ritual purposes.
It’s time to invest in a mullet wig.
Cup of the Week
A 36-year-old Singaporean was hospitalised after consuming a sexual enhancement product called Prime Kopi Pejuang 3 in 1.
On May 26, the Health Sciences Authority (HSA) issued a warning about the product after their testing revealed that it contains a high concentration of an undeclared synthetic potent medicinal ingredient, tadalafil.
Tadalafil is a prescription medicine used to treat erectile dysfunction that should only be given under medical supervision.
One man suffered from body aches, chills, a migraine and tightness around his jawline, while another experienced priapism of about four hours.
The 36-year-old man who was hospitalised spoke to Mothership, and wishes to be known only as Jack. He said he did not experience the same side effects as the other two men, but had an allergic reaction which sent him to the hospital.
Jack first took Prime Kopi Pejuang on May 25 at around noon. His friend had given him a sachet, and Jack had tried it “for fun”, not because he is impotent, he clarified.
“Besides, it’s just coffee right,” he added.
At around 4pm on the same day, his lips started to feel “weird”. Then gradually, large red spots started appearing on his skin.
12am was when “the hell start[ed]”, Jack said.
He experienced burning and itching sensations around his mouth, on his arms, and in his genital areas.
There were also large bubble-like blisters and rashes on some parts of his body.
“It is so itchy I could cry.” Jack said he was in “agony”, describing the sensations as painful and unbearable.
The company is still trying to find the best way to market their “Herpes Coffee.”
Cup Check of the Week
Caster Semenya offered to show officials her vagina to prove she is female
Caster Semenya has told HBO that she offered to show her vagina to athletics officials when she was 18 to prove she was female.
The double Olympic champion, who is now 31, burst on to the scene in 2009 when she won the women’s 800m world title by a stunning margin, hours after the sport’s world governing body said she would undergo gender verification tests.
“They thought I had a dick, probably,” Semenya said in an interview with HBO’s Real Sports, which will air on Tuesday night. “I told them: ‘It’s fine. I’m a female, I don’t care. If you want to see I’m a woman, I will show you my vagina. All right?’”
Gender tests on Semenya reportedly showed the runner had no womb or ovaries but that she had internal testes, the male sexual organs which produce testosterone, and her levels of the hormone were three times that usually expected in a female.
How come they never did that test on Michelle Obama?
Cup Size of the Week
World’s biggest boobs: Which countries have the biggest breasts and who has the smallest?
According to recent statistics on World Population Review, US women average at a C cup, while the UK are not far behind, taking second spot in the top eleven.
American women have the biggest natural boobs in the world, claims World Population Review.
But it’s not bad news for us Brits – as the website’s statistics ranked the UK in second position, also averaging at a C cup across the nation.
Other countries who made it into the top five include Venezuela, Colombia and Sweden, who are said to have between a B and C cup.
Back in 2016, US women once again topped a survey conducted by the The Journal of Female Health Sciences, where it was shown that, amazingly, a quarter of Caucasian American ladies had breasts weighing 5.7kg.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the spectrum is Switzerland, who come in at 11th place according to World Population Review, with most women wearing a B cup.
They were narrowly beaten by the Netherlands (6th place), Canada (7th place), Georgia (8th place), Australia (9th place) and Bosnia (10th place.)
America, f*ck yeah!
Mug of the Week
Loaded gun found on man booked into Anderson Police Detention Center, official says
A loaded gun was found on a man who was booked into an Upstate jail Thursday and the police chief is calling it a “mistake” and “an oversight.”
Anderson police Chief Jim Stewart said Jasmine Burriss was arrested after he was seen coming out of a condemned house on Salem Street.
His arrest came after officers found stolen property inside the house, Stewart said.
He said Burriss resisted arrest and was charged with trespassing and resisting arrest.
Burriss was placed in a holding cell at the Anderson Police Department Detention Center.
“A mistake on pat down by law enforcement officers on scene and detention officers within the jail allowed Burriss to conceal a handgun in his genital area,” Stewart said.
He said detention officers found the gun while doing a pat down on Burris as they removed him from the holding cell.
Stewart released the following statement about the incident:
“This was an oversight on our part and is being followed up by the Patrol Captain and Detention Captain regarding sub-standard work. This could have a dangerous situation for all involved and the department is reviewing procedure and policy along with increased training to ensure this situation does not occur in the future.”
You definitely have to keep an eye on a dude like that. Also, when you book a “man” named Jasmine, check the genital area.
Gamer of the Week
Engaged in playing video game on toilet seat, man got bitten on butt by snake
Being enormously involved in video games could be life threatening at times. While our senses get involved in games, we generally tend to forget the dangers we could be subjected to. One such incident has been reported from Malaysia, where a 28-year-old man got bitten by a snake on his butt while he was peeping into his phone in the toilet.
According to Malaysian newspaper The Star, Tazali has a habit of playing video games during the time he spends in loo. However one day, Tazali stood up from the toilet seat to discover that a snake had clinged to one of his buttocks. He instantly screamed and got the reptile separated from his body.
He immediately called rescue department and got the snake captured. In the meantime, he rushed to hospital and was delighted to find out that the snake was non venomous. He, however, got a tetanus dose as safety precaution to do away with any possibilities of infection.
The only thing I’m getting from this story is that the dude didn’t wipe.
Ass of the Week
New neighbor arrested after fellow residents complain about her nudity and vulgar behavior
A woman who moved into a Wildwood neighborhood about three months ago has been arrested after complaints of her nudity and vulgar behavior.
The straw that broke the camel’s back apparently occurred on Sunday evening when 29-year-old Diandra Vanetta Latrice Reeves walked out into the 400 block of Kilgore Street, lowered her pants, and spread apart her bare buttocks, according to an arrest report from the Wildwood Police Department.
“Kiss my ass, hoes,” she told her neighbors. She also slapped her bare buttocks, the report said.
Tenants said she had been causing disturbances since she moved in.
Reeves had been arrested earlier this month after allegedly throwing a rock at a woman’s car in the same neighborhood.
As a result of Sunday’s incident, Reeves was arrested on a charge of exposure of sexual organs. She was booked at the Sumter County Detention Center on $500 bond.
It’s never fun when a crack dealer moves into your neighborhood.
Rod of the Week
Jealous husband whose son shoved curtain pole up dad’s love rival’s anus is jailed
Derek Doherty (52), of Vicarstown, Ballymahon, Co Longford, was sentenced to 80 months in prison with the final 17 months suspended following a sitting of Longford Circuit Court.
Last year his son Nathan (23) was jailed for six years, with the final three suspended, for his involvement in the same attack. The DPP is currently appealing that sentence.
Derek Murphy was attacked after Derek Doherty and his son Nathan found him with Derek Doherty’s wife, Sharon, on June 3, 2018 at a house in Colehill, Co Longford.
Mr Shane Geraghty, barrister for the State, told the court: “Nathan had gone around the back of the house and observed his mother in a state of undress, while Derek banged on the door. He could see through the glass of the door and, down the hallway, he saw his wife standing naked in the hallway.
Derek Murphy, in his statement to gardai, said that he was lying on his chest when “two lads” came straight through the door and “leapt on him”, with one of them shouting “give it to him, give it to him”.
He added that he ended up in “a wrestling match” with the two men and received a number of punches and kicks.
He turned on his side to try to defend himself but was pushed off the bed and pinned between the bed and the radiator.
The court heard that Derek Doherty had Derek Murphy in a headlock and reached down to grab him by his genitals and was pulling and squeezing his penis and testicles while shouting “do the b*****d, do the b*****d” at his son.
“The injured party describes he was fighting for his life and that the young man was behind him and had already hit him with a stick,” said Mr Geraghty.
“He was using one hand to try to pull Derek Doherty’s hand away from him while the younger man was trying to put a stick of some sort into his anus, and he used his other hand to try and stop him.
“He said he thought his life was ending. He couldn’t stop him and Nathan forced the stick into his anus, pulled it out and forced it in again and left it inside him.
“He said the assault came to a stop then and they walked around the room before the older man drew the boot on him,” said Mr Geraghty.
When they left, Derek Murphy pulled the object, which turned out to be a curtain pole, from his anus. Emergency services and gardai arrived a short time later and he was brought to Mullingar Hospital before being transferred to the Mater Hospital in Dublin.
Derek Murphy’s horrific injuries resulted in him having to have a colostomy bag for 16 months.
That’s what you get for being a mother*cker.
BS of the Week
Man who posted himself home from Australia in box took laxatives to stop pooing for days
A man who posted himself back to the UK from Australia in the 1960s has revealed he took a load of laxatives to stop his box overflowing with waste during his five-day journey.
Brian Robson, 76, originally from Wales, moved to Australia when he was 19-years-old and worked for Victorian Railways in the 1960s.
But, tiring of life down under, Brian hatched upon a plan to return himself to the UK in 1965 in extremely desperate circumstances.
Realising that a train ticket would be £700, which was unaffordable on his monthly salary of just £40, Brian hatched upon a plan to seal himself in a wooden crate and travel from Australia.
To avoid paying this high price to get home, he decided instead to convince two men from Ireland to help stow him onto a freight train.
The two men nailed Brian inside the crate which he had outfitted with a pillow, a suitcase and a book of Beatles songs.
His Irish accomplices had labelled the small wooden crate as a computer and booked him onto a Qantas flight from Melbourne to London without a hitch.
However, en route home, the crate was transferred to a PanAm flight because the original plane was full.
Instead of London, Brian was headed for L.A. and found himself stored in a freight shed where, after five days, he was too weak to hammer himself out.
Laxatives don’t stop you from pooping, there is no train from Australia to the UK, a computer in 1965 was as big as an office building, freight is stored in an unpressurized part of the plane which would have killed him and not drinking water for 5 days would have too but other than that, this story is complete bullshit.
WTF? of the Week
Ex-priest became porn star at 83 and says sex with strangers on camera is ‘delightful’
It’s not exactly a natural career progression but Norm Self made the unusual move from priest to porn star.
What’s more, he did it at the ripe old age of 83 shortly after coming out as gay.
And he’s described the experience of having sex with strangers on camera as both “delightful” and “splendid”.
Norm grew up in a religious household in North Carolina, joining the clergy at the age of 18.
He was married to a woman for 28 years but realised he was gay in 1997 when he came across a group of men while working as a college campus minister. Seeing them come out, he thought: “I’m a gay man.”
Twenty years later, in 2017, he made his first X-rated movie.
He recalled: “My housemate asked me if I’d be in a film.
“I was invited in and all of a sudden all this attention comes to me.
“It’s almost like having a party, that’s one of the things I admire about this way of doing porn.
“We are going to have sex anyway so why not make it a liberating and bonding experience instead of hiding it away in the shadows?”
Hiding in the shadows had been something Norm knew all too well and he wants to give others the confidence to be themselves.
The former clergyman, now 88, has a number of adult films under his belt.
Norm Self? More like Abnorm Self.
