Here in America we worry about democrats trying to take away our 2nd Amendment right to keep and bear arms. Over in England they can’t even have spoons. Royal subjects are not allowed to have guns so Brits run around stabbing each other, which prompted the government to take away knife ownership rights. Naturally British thugs moved to carrying “military-style” assault spoons so now the cops in the UK are confiscating spoons.
This may be the most ridiculous tweet in the history of Twitter:
Yesterday we conducted weapons sweeps,dealt with a person injured from a van reversing on them, reported a burglary and collected all these from @scope charity shop who diligently didn’t want them to get into the wrong hands & disposed of correctly & safely pic.twitter.com/GNfxZd6iGd
— Regents Park Police (@MPSRegentsPark) May 14, 2019
As you can see in the photo, the Regents Park police (London) confiscated a bunch of cutlery and one of those wieney fencing swords. It’s also hard to miss the 3 pot roast forks as well as a rusty spoon. Wait. A rusty spoon? In the annals of crime fighting, bragging about taking a rusty spoon off the streets qualifies as the most pathetic law enforcement action ever.
I guess someone could sharpen the spoon and scoop a person’s eyes out, but…come on, it’s a f*cking spoon.
This is the picture the Regents Park police have on their Twitter page, so maybe this all makes sense:
My worst nightmare involves that guy in the middle arresting me for eating soup with a banned spoon. It’s like everything America isn’t wrapped up in one liberty-defying alternate reality.
This spoon confiscation is emblematic of the slippery slope of gun control. The UK, for all intents and purposes, banned gun ownership. No problem, British thugs started using knives to victimize people. The natural reaction was to ban knives because without knives assholes have no way of hurting other people. Criminals found and exploited a loophole and apparently started using hammers and so UK police asked citizens to report anyone buying tools in a hardware store. I’m not even kidding about this.
With guns, knives, and hammers all banned, those crafty bad guys figured out how deadly spoons are and now the British police are confiscating those. It’s just a matter of time before criminals in the UK start using cheese graters and melon-ballers to infect untold carnage. Rest assured the cops will meet that threat head on.
Honestly, if I had to pick the weapon a criminal tried to use on me a spoon would be on the top of that list. I would rather get attacked by a spoon than bare knuckles. I feel like my chances would be somewhere near 100% of surviving a spoon related assault. Even if it were a big wooden spoon the worst that would happened to me would be a knot on the head from getting spoon-whacked.
What baffles me the most about this situation is, how do Brittish people eat their meals? They can’t have knives which means anything that needs to be cut or buttered is out of the question. They love their tea over there, but apparently can’t stir it anymore. My guess is Brits eat a lot of stuff with their hands, which probably props up the napkin industry but isn’t something you’d expect in a civilized society.
Let’s use this hilarious thing as a reminder of how great it was for our Founding Fathers to kick the crap out of the British and establish our wonderfully free country. We don’t even have a Constitutional amendment protecting our spoon ownership rights and yet we still have all the damn spoons we want. That’s what liberty is all about.
