Nancy Pelosi was so WTF? this week President Trump commented “she’s lost it.” Of course she needed to have it before losing it, but the point is she’s completely insane. Here’s some other WTFers that gave Pelosi a run for her money:
Headline of the Week
Man allegedly hiding drugs in backside accidentally shoots himself in testicles
Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a pistol in his front pocket while in his Cashmere, Wash., apartment on April 5 when the firearm accidentally discharged and pierced his groin…
When the ex-con finally went to the hospital, a balloon of marijuana slipped out of his anus while a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound…
Cops also arrived at the hospital when alerted of the gunshot wound and searched Wilson’s car where they discovered a bag of meth in the blood-stained jeans he was wearing when he shot himself.
As he was being processed at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center, Wilson was strip-searched and another balloon of marijuana slipped from his anus…
He’s got drugs up his butt and a slug in his nut. This white-boy rap song practically writes itself.
Joy Ride of the Week
Man accidentally shoots self in groin, dies
Jose Hernandez, 22, was riding in a car at about 10:45 p.m. in the 3100 block of South Pulaski Road when he accidentally shot himself in the right side of the groin, Chicago police said.
He was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital in critical condition, police said.
Hernandez was pronounced dead at 3:46 p.m. Saturday, the medical examiner’s office said.
An autopsy Sunday found he died from complications from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, the medical examiner’s office said. His death was ruled an accident.
Twas no accident, it was Darwinism in action.
Bender of the Week
Man wakes up to find his penis is cut off after night of heavy drinking
A man, identified only as Mr. Tan, woke up on the morning of May 8, hungover and missing a body part.
The 44-year-old man’s penis had been cut off while he was passed out drunk…
Tan was taken to Xiangya Hospital eight hours later, where a team of experts were able to stitch his penis back onto his body after a seven-hour operation.
…Tan was drinking a Chinese rice wine with an average alcohol content of 45% the night of the incident.
Tan’s penis turned black after being cut off but…returned to its normal color one week after the operation.
Tan doesn’t know who cut off his penis.
I bet it was this guy:
Dirty Dog of the Week
Lewis Butterfield claimed his drink had been spiked with ecstasy when he was seen running about without any clothes on and behaving aggressively.
And when the neighbours’ pet chased him across the road the 26-year-old threatened to sexually assault the animal and kicked out at it.
He was detained by officers and after telling about the drugs he had been slipped he was taken to the Great Western Hospital.
When he was discharged following treatment he got into a taxi wearing a hospital gown and nothing else and asked to go to ‘by Asda’. During the journey he kept challenging the driver to a fight and asking him if he was Turkish, to which he replied he was from Swindon.
Woof means woof.
Full Disclosure of the Week
Woman Discloses Why She Inserted Ginger In Her Son’s Rectum
A Ghanaian woman has been arrested for implanting ginger in her son’s anus as a form of punishment for messing up in school.
The woman identified as Aba Hagan, 40, was detained on Thursday in Manchester and charged with third-degree assault, cruelty to persons, disorderly conduct and impairing the morals of/or endangering a child. Police officers were sent to a Rachel Road apartment at roughly 8 p.m. on a reported domestic dispute. On scene, they discovered a naked boy, whose age was omitted from the police report, who said Hagan had shoved ginger in his anus, police stated.
The report says, Hagan denied doing anything initially, though said later that her son “had messed up in school and she punished him.” “Aba stated she had taken a piece of ginger and put it into (the victim’s) anus,” reads the report. “I asked why she would do this,” Officer Daniel Roberts wrote, “and she stated this was a common punishment in her home country of Ghana, Africa.”
You you see what she shoves up her son’s ass when he doesn’t do his chores. Actually, here it is:
Buddies of the Week
A man’s colon burst after his ‘perverted’ friends put a compressed air pump into his anus and inflated it, a bizarre medical report has revealed.
The 30-year-old was taken to hospital after the horrifying prank left him needing his entire bowel removed because of a ‘rectal blowout’, an injury caused by air pressure rising so high inside the rectum that it explodes.
With friends like you, who needs enemas?
Cheek of the Week
Monkey wees in window of dad who laughed at his penis
Martin Chapman, 38, was on a day trip to Knowsley Safari Park, in Merseyside, when the chimp jumped on his car on May 12.
Sat inside the vehicle with wife Jenny, 36, and two of their children, Joseph, 17, and Mollie, 10, the family were left in hysterics when the monkey took a shining to them and poked his penis through the window gap.
The dad, of Barnsley, Yorkshire, decided to flick his low-hanging fruit but it was the monkey who had the last laugh, after he managed to wee into the car and all over Martin’s legs.
‘We were all laughing our heads off because he was just poking his bits through my window, so I thought I’d give it a cheeky flick – but he soon got his own back on me. ‘He started weeing and I tried to put the window up but his fingers were still over the top so I couldn’t straight away, and his wee was just going all over my legs!’
Giving a monkey dick a cheeky flick. This Brit-boy rap song writes itself.
Happy Ending of the Week
44-Year-Old Man With A Prosthetic Penis Has Finally Lost His Virginity
Mohammed Abad, 44,, was left without a functioning penis after being dragged under a car as a kid. Getting by with a rudimentary fleshy tube for approx four decades, finally in 2012 he underwent surgery to get a $100,000 prosthetic penis equipped. By this year January, Abad’s new package was ready to go at last.
“My old penis didn’t go to waste—my surgeon used it to make my scrotum. I have waited long enough for this—it’ll be a great start to the new year. My penis is working perfectly now, so I just want to do it. I’m really excited. I can’t wait for it to finally happen.”
Woefully, less than a week later, his plan had to be delayed. Abad was involved in yet another car crash, wrecking his plans to belatedly penetrate a vagina the first time ever.
Winner of the 2013 Sex Worker of the Year award and political candidate, Charlotte Rose, got in touch with the bionic man when she’d heard about his situation and had offered to help him by taking his virginity.
Regrettably, on the initial evening the testicle pump didn’t function and Abad’s salami failed to inflate. The next night, though, everything went according to plan.
Dude has his junk destroyed twice in car accidents. Stay out of cars!
Florida Man of the Week:
Is that a Michelob Ultra Light?
Treat of the Week
The teachers were fed the stomach-churning meal on Thursday at Hyatts Middle School in Powell, Ohio…
They were reportedly judges for the cooking contest, which happened during a “Global Gourmet” class and was captured on video.
Several students allegedly put urine and/or semen onto the crepes and fed them to faculty members, the local sheriff’s office reports.
Investigators are probing the incident and weighing felony assault charges.
Due to budgetary cuts sex ed and home ec are the same class now.
WTF? of the Week
Dundee man hacked off disabled woman’s hand ‘after Barack Obama told him to take crystal meth’
A MAN chopped off the right hand of a wheelchair-bound stranger minutes after offering to make her a cup of tea.
The High Court in Glasgow heard that 34-year-old Stephen Brisbane left his 64-year-old victim Sandra McGowan lying unconscious on her bedroom floor, picked up her hand and put it in a carrier bag.
He then headed back to his mother’s home in Dundee and placed the severed hand in her freezer.
Minutes later it was discovered in one of the freezer drawers by his sister who phoned the police.
Defence QC Mark Stewart said: “He has expressed deep sorrow and remorse for the injuries caused to this lady. He is extremely sorry for this.”
Mr Stewart added: “He thought he was suffering from a serious illness and said he had been advised by Barack Obama to take crystal meth. He had been told it was the cure for his illness and could be extracted from the bones of human beings.”
Thanks Obama. Also who’s surprised that “if you like your hand you can keep your hand” was a lie?
