This week AOC and her Squad accused Nancy Pelosi of racism and President Trump defended her which caused Pelosi, the Squad, and the liberal media to accuse the President if racism. That seems like a major WTF? but in reality it’s just democrats being democrats. Here’s some actual WTF?:
Headline of the Week
The ghost of a masturbating ape haunts the hallways of a grand country estate in Dorset
THE ghost of a randy monkey haunts the halls of a grand English country estate – where romantic spook-hunters flock to tie the knot.
Titillated tourists can often hear the saucy spectre laughing while masturbating in Athelhampton Hall in Dorset, near Dorchester.
The 15th century house was originally built by the Martyn family whose crest featured an excited monkey sitting on a tree stump.
And ever since, the horny ghost of Martyn’s monkey has haunted the sprawling country pile making it a go-to destination for curious phantom fanatics.
According to the local legend, the unconventional Martyn family did have a pet ape which was free to wander the halls.
And when one of the Martyn daughters had an unhappy love affair and decided to kill herself, the compassionate monkey began following her around.
When she climbed a set of hidden stairs to a secret room, the ape trailed behind, and watched as she took her own life with the door bolted.
By the time the family’s search of the house and grounds eventually located the room, the ape had starved to death next to her body.
That’s bananas.
Pest of the Week
People Overdosing On Synthetic Meth Made From Wasp Spray
Police in West Virginia say that people are now turning to wasp spray to give them a “meth-like” high.
State Police told WRGB that wasp spray is being used as an alternative to methamphetamine in Boone County.
Officials believe the spray played a role in three overdoses last week, and officials say the physical impacts of the spray are erratic behavior and extreme swelling and redness of the hands and feet.
“In my opinion, drugs are so bad around here. It’s so available to people, and then all the time trying things new that we wouldn’t even think about,” one resident told WRGB.
“From what we’re being told, if you use it, you know, you might use it one or twice and be fine, but the third time, when your body hits that allergic reaction, it can kill you,” Seargent Charles Sutphin of the West Virginia State Police said to the station.
Apparently it works better on people than wasps. Besides, what’s wrong with regular meth?
Scarecrow of the Week
RAMPAGE: Underwear-clad Kingston woman wielding pitchfork arrested
Police said a downtown resident was awakened Friday morning by the sound of smashing ceramics to discover his sister throwing objects around their shared living room and breaking glass in the living room window.
The victim tried to leave to call police, but his sister followed him outside and allegedly threw a vacuum at his head. She then punched him in the head and scratched his arm.
The victim watched as the accused then picked up a pitchfork and began striking a parked vehicle, damaging the passenger side mirror.
When police arrived, they discovered the woman in her underwear, still clutching the pitchfork.
She was apprehended after trying to “hide in a small plastic children’s pool. She then fled from police a second time, jumping over a chain-link fence and running down the street.”
Police said they believed the woman was “under the influence of crystal methamphetamine.”
Fair assumption.
Toilet of the Week
Police: Flushing drugs could create ‘meth gators’ in Alabama
Police arrested a Tennessee man Saturday as he allegedly tried to flush several grams of methamphetamine down the toilet, something they jokingly said could create ‘meth gators’ down river in Alabama.
In a Facebook post, police addressed the issue of flushing drugs down the toilet.
On a more or less serious note: Folks…please don’t flush your drugs m’kay. When you send something down the sewer pipe it ends up in our retention ponds for processing before it is sent down stream. Now our sewer guys take great pride in releasing water that is cleaner than what is in the creek, but they are not really prepared for meth. Ducks, Geese, and other fowl frequent our treatment ponds and we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do. Furthermore, if it made it far enough we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama. They’ve had enough methed up animals the past few weeks without our help. So, if you need to dispose of your drugs just give us a call and we will make sure they are disposed of in the proper way.
For some reason I feel like Florida is going to sue for copywrite infringement.
Florida Dick of the Week
Florida Man Allegedly Cut Neighbor’s Penis Off After Accusing Him of Sleeping with His Wife
A Florida man was taken into custody over the weekend after he allegedly cut off his neighbor’s penis in retaliation for sleeping with his wife.
Alex Bonilla was arrested by Gilchrist County Sheriff’s Office authorities on Sunday, following the incident in Bell where he allegedly forced himself into his neighbor’s home, tied him up, and cut off his penis with a pair of scissors — all of which occurred while the other man’s children were home…
Once officers arrived at the scene, the male victim said that Bonilla came over — handgun in possession — and threatened to kill him if he resisted…
The victim was then forced to his bedroom, where Bonilla allegedly used a pair of scissors to mutilate the man because he believed his neighbor had slept with his wife.
Bonilla then allegedly fled the scene with the severed appendage.
What if the neighbor and the wife were actually just planning a surprise party for Bonilla? Boy, is he going to feel stupid.
Florida Ass of the Week
Trenton James Rich, of Pensacola, was detained last Saturday by an officer from the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office who responded to the N. Navy Blvd Walmart just after 4:30 p.m. after a complaint was filed about indecent exposure…
The 19-year-old suspect, who is listed as homeless in jail records, allegedly made a number of lewd comments towards the officer and resisted arrest before attempting to flee the area.
An arrest report obtained by the local media outlet said Rich had been spotted by the deputy on a picnic table at the parking lot while shirtless. He gave his name but then exposed his genitals and said: “Suck on it.” Shortly after—amid a brief tussle—Rich allegedly stepped back, put his hands into a karate chop stance and starting swinging them at the deputy, the report said.
The officer said Rich then grabbed his arms and rear end. He allegedly tried to punch the officer and ran off on foot. He was quickly caught after fleeing behind the Walmart and detained.
Public masturbation, Walmart, and karate should be on the Florida State flag.
Smoker of the Week
Man freezes after toxic viper slithers into his crotch in horror clip
The nightmare scene was captured by a horrified witness in the village of Ustikolina, in Foca-Ustikolina in south-eastern Bosnia.
In the clip, a man known only as Ajanovic can be seen sitting on the ground while wearing shorts and holding a chainsaw.
He suddenly begins being shouted at by his friends, instructing him not to move.
Horrified Ajanovic attempts not to move, focusing on keeping his lower half still.
One of the man’s friends then carefully lowers a stick towards the threatening creature.
Despite this, Ajanovic carried on smoking.
The protective friends knock the snake of the man seeing him spring to his feet.
“I would like to thank my friend Mehmed Meho Kunovac, who managed to kill the snake.”
He had a venomous snake and the business end of a chainsaw in his crotch at the same time. I think he was attempting peniscide.
Roman Candle of the Week
ROME MAN FOUND “CARESSING” PENIS IN PUBLIC PARK
Johnny Thomas Fuqua , 62 of Rome, was arrested this week after reports said he was seen “caressing and fondling” his exposed penis at Garden Lakes Park on Newland Avenue.
Reports said that the acts were captured on camera.
Fugua is charged with public indecency.
When in Rome, do as the guy whose last name is basically “f*ck you, eh” does.
Art Attack of the Week
Council’s art project goes viral for the wrong reasons
A taxpayer-funded anti-littering campaign has gone viral for the wrong reasons after a huge mural appears to show a pigeon having sex with a rabbit.
The bizarre graffiti artwork is the centrepiece of a £74,000 Government-funded project aimed at reducing rubbish in deprived areas.
Newcastle-under-Lyme Borough Council paid a local graffiti artist to design a mural at a littering hotspot in the town.
But residents have branded the image, which appears to show a pigeon grabbing onto a crouching rabbit which in turn is holding onto a rat’s tail, as “obscene”.
John Howard, 23, said: “I couldn’t believe it when I walked past it. It clearly looks like a pigeon humping a rabbit which is doing something odd to the rat.
“It’s a pity really because the anti-litter message is sort of lost by the unfortunate and rather obscene positioning of the animals. “Makes you wonder what sort of offspring they’d have.”
So instead they get a sex-ed message, which this guy clearly needs.
Hero of the Week
Is it possible to drink 33 beers in an evening?
Is it possible to drink 33 beers in an evening?
Apparently so, if you’re 48-year-old Michael Monahan.
According to an arrest affidavit, that’s what Monahan told St. Lucie County sheriff’s deputies he did after accusations he used foul language and tried to fight outside Body Talk Sports Bar on South U.S. 1.
Deputies about 11:40 p.m. July 8 went to the adult entertainment establishment after a report of a man passed out in the parking lot.
Investigators found a woman rubbing the back of an apparently unconscious man later identified as Monahan.
The woman, identified as Monahan’s fiancée, said, “Be calm please don’t fight them.”
Instead, Monahan hopped up, saying, “Oh you want to (expletive) fight, let’s go then.”
Deputies told Monahan they were there to help, but his alleged pugilistic behavior continued; he put his fists up, saying, “Let’s go (expletive).”
Investigators took Monahan into custody.
His fiancée said he ran around the parking lot and got aggressive before passing out.
Monahan, of Vero Beach, was taken to a hospital and said he’d quaffed 33 beers through the night.
This guy deserves a medal and possibly a new liver.
Slurpee of the Week
This Missouri baby was born on 7-Eleven Day at 7:11 pm, weighing 7 pounds and 11 ounces
7-Eleven Day typically means free Slurpees for everyone, but this year’s celebration turned out more special than usual for one Missouri family.
Rachel Langford of St. Louis gave birth to a baby girl on July 11 — yes, 7/11.
That’s not all, baby J’Aime Brown was born at 7:11 pm, weighing seven pounds and 11 ounces.
Langford [said] she kept on seeing the numbers 7 and 11 during her pregnancy, but didn’t think it meant anything.
“I thought it was weird at first, and I didn’t know that (the numbers) meant so much,” she said. “A lot of the times (during the pregnancy) I would look at the clock and it was 7:11.”
Meanwhile a really evil baby was born at 6am on Route 66.
Megabyte of the Week
Mum who bit boyfriend’s testicles in ‘horrendous attack’ back in court for texting him
A woman who was convicted of grievous bodily harm after biting her boyfriend’s testicles has been back in court.
Maria Topp, 52, avoided jail in 2013 despite biting Martin Douglas’ scrotum so hard it left his testicles exposed. She was accused of breaching a restraining order.
The original attack happened after a 10-hour drinking session at Mr Douglas’ flat in Waterloo Street, Newcastle, signalling the end of their “turbulent” five-year relationship.
Gavin Doig, prosecuting Topp six years ago, said at the time “his scrotum was ripped, his testicles were exposed and bloodied and it was the defendant that had done this to him.”
Topp was given an indefinite restraining order alongside a suspended sentence at Newcastle Crown Court.
But Topp sent him “non-threatening” messages between May 26 and 28 this year.
But was it a booty call or a foodie call? Speaking of eating and testicles…
Daredevil of the Week
A man who ate a gecko at a party for a dare died after he “rotted from the inside out,” his family say. David Dowell, who was 34 when he died in December last year, is thought to have eaten the gecko at a Christmas party that infected him with salmonella, the Brisbane Times reports.
The following day his family, from Queensland, Australia, called an ambulance after he started vomiting: “It was coming out both ends and he was really sick…the moment he started throwing up and it was green, that’s when they rang the ambulance,” his sister Hannah Dowell told the newspaper.
In hospital, Dowell’s condition was getting worse. He was bloated, his urine was black and his vomit was green, Hannah Dowell said. “He was just in absolute agony,” she said.
His mother, Michelle Dowell, added: “His testicles were swollen up to grapefruits and there was fluid leaking from them and they [doctors] said that was normal, it was just all of the fluid in his stomach cavity.”
Dowell died in surgery on December 11 after suffering from organ failure. His family said he “basically rotted from the inside out” and are now questioning the care he received.
On the bright side, he won the dare. Speaking if grapefruits and testicles…
WTF? of the Week
Anthony Scaramucci Reveals He Has ‘Pea-Sized’ Anatomy on ‘Mooch and the Mrs.’
In a conversation with author Tim Samuels, the former White House communications director and Samuels dive into what it means if men are constantly comparing the size of their testicles to other men.
Scaramucci immediately dives into the intricacies of his own anatomy. “While you’re talking about my balls, mine are like grapefruits,” he says. However, Samuels then reveals that the larger the testicle, the more promiscuous the person is.
He explains that the Gibbon monkey, alternatively, has small testicles and doesn’t produce as much sperm. Therefore, the monkey is not as sexually active as other apes. In fact, they are able to remain monogamous unlike their ape relatives.
Scaramucci, sitting beside his wife, goes on to clear his name. “I have pea-sized, Gibbon testicles,” he clarifies. “Just so everyone knows that – I want to retract my chimpanzee-sized grapefruits.”
The Mooch is a douche.
