The liberal media tried to ignite a Elizabeth Warren/Bernie Sanders spat and Pete Buttigieg is always trying to pick a sissy fight with someone, but the real war in the democratic primaries is between Sanders and Joe Biden. In the Battle of the Ancients the two nearly-octogenarians are trying to prove who is the oldest white guy in the race. Biden showed what he has by being scared by his phone ringing. Sanders hit back by complaining he can’t lift a stack of papers. At this point it’s anyone’s game to win.
77-year-old Joe Biden did an interview with the New York Times when this happened:
Biden: No. By the way, just so you know, my message isn’t that I’m going to return to the Obama era. My message is twofold. Number one, the next president of the United States, I think you’d all have to admit, is going to have to be able to do two things.
[BIDEN’S PHONE RINGS]
Biden: What the hell is that?
NYT: You’re getting a call.
Biden: Oh.
So yeah, Biden got freaked out by his phone ringing, which doesn’t exactly scream “youthful and vibrant.” Wait until he finds out he can watch videos (moving pictures) of him sniffing women’s hair and giving sensual messages to little girls. It’ll blow his mind. In Joe’s defense he’s used to those pre-rotary phones where you ask the operator to connect you to “Klondike 65000.”
Not to be outdone, 78-year-old Bernie Sanders made this video in which he admits he’s weak and frail:
250 pages.
37,500 words.
Not a single damn mention of “climate change.”
Trump’s NAFTA is a giveaway to the fossil fuel industry.
I voted NO because the future of our planet is more important than the short-term profits of Exxon Mobil and Chevron. pic.twitter.com/YgSZcigjjX
— Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) January 17, 2020
“This is the bill. I can barely lift it up. It’s 250 pages,” said Bernie.
He can barely lift 250 pages? Maybe hasn’t had quite the recovery form his heart attack that he’d like us to believe.
I have ream of paper right here that is 500 sheets of 8.5 x 11, standard size. I put it on the scale and it’s about 5 pounds. Half of that, 250 pages like Bernie’s impossible bill, would weigh 2.5 pounds. Bernie is making the case that he’s young and fit enough to be president by admitting he can barely lift something that weighs 2 pounds 8 ounces.
There’s probably not a lot of heavy lifting involved in being the president, but you would hope that anyone with the job be able to pick up the nuclear football.
To prove her fitness to serve, Hillary Clinton went on TV and opened pickle jars. Bernie may have to do something similarly stupid to show voters he has what it takes.
So the question is: which one of these broken down geezers is the most ancient? Who truly is the oldest white guy in the democratic primary race? Is it Biden who goes into a panic when his phone rings or Sanders who struggles to lift something that weighs less than a pie? The answer is: they are both way too old to be President of the United States but what actually disqualifies them are their horrible ideas.
