In his first official duty as the pretend president-elect, a position that carries no authority to the power of 2, Joe Biden says we’re not allowed to have Thanksgiving this year. According to him, it’s our patriotic duty to sit at home alone eating turkey Lunchables while democrats like him celebrate the holiday with their families. Just imagine if this guy ever gets some actual power.
Biden delivered a Thanksgiving message that was in fact wishing everyone a shitty holiday:
Tune in as I deliver a Thanksgiving address on the shared sacrifices Americans are making this holiday season and how we’ll get through this crisis together. https://t.co/1v8vx05N9K
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) November 25, 2020
“This year we’re asking Americans to forgo so many of the traditions that we’ve long made this holiday, that’s made it so special,” said Biden.
Keep in mind that Biden was reading this speech, written by someone else, off a teleprompter and still managed this very awkward edict. For those of you who don’t speak Bidenese, he’s telling us we can’t have Thanksgiving diner with our families.
Biden then says there can be no traveling and no family for Thanksgiving. He does try to soften the blow by claiming that he too is sacrificing by not having his aunts and uncles over for turkey. He’s 78-years-old. What are the chances he has any living aunts and uncles?
“It’s literally our patriotic duty as Americans. It means wearing masks, keeping social distancing, limiting the size of any group we’re in,” said Biden.
That’s weird, for the past 6 months as mostly peaceful social justice riots were raging across the country, encouraged by democrats and Biden himself, there was no talk of the patriotic duty to social distance and stay home. Now, just in time for Thanksgiving, Biden says it’s too risky to enjoy the company of your own family.
Obviously the best course of action is to declare your Thanksgiving a Black Lives Matter march. Get drunk, watch the Detroit Lions lose, and then go loot your neighbor’s turkey. The beauty part is, you can have thousands of friends and family participate in this new Thanksgiving tradition and Joe will give it an enthusiastic thumbs up.
“None of these steps we’re asking people to take are political statements. Every one is based on science. Real science,” claimed Biden.
Does he mean the science that says the coronavirus can’t spread as long as you are torching a cop car or stealing big-screen TV from Target? Or is the science that says you can get the coronavirus from your family who doesn’t have the coronavirus?
This next thing is not related to COVID-19 or Thanksgiving, but it is vintage Biden making an ass of himself:
“Think of what we come through as nation. How many things we’ve come through. Centuries of human enslavement, cataclysmic civil war, exclusion of women from the battle box,” Biden said.
It’s actually possible that he said “Battle Bots” which makes this statement even more confusing. To my knowledge women have never been excluded form building and fighting robots, they just don’t enjoy that particular nerdy activity.
At least Biden still hates this country:
“Look, we all know America’s never been perfect,” said Biden.
No, only democrats think that.
Biden then whined for a solid 10 minutes about systemic racism and global warming because those are what he thinks Thanksgiving should be about. Finally he told us again that we can’t have dinner with our families and tried to drag God into it:
“On this Thanksgiving, in anticipation of all Thanksgivings to come, let’s dream again. Let’s commit our selves to not only thinking of ourselves but of others as well. For if we care for one another, if we open our arms rather than brandishing our fists, we can with the help of God, heal,” said Biden.
WT actual F does that mean? We gotta stop punching our relatives at Thanksgiving and hug them instead so we can heal? He already said we can’t have relatives over so it’s a bit of a mixed message.
I can’t believe more people didn’t see this on Election Day that this is what a Biden presidency would look like: fascist edicts and incoherent nonsense. This Thanksgiving let’s pray that President Trump is able to overturn the election results and Biden goes back to his basement.
